I BEEN HACKED.....

I have been hacked throughout the entire Facebook universe and perhaps other services as well. I have spent several hours issuing warnings and deleting Facebook comments from mostly anonymous hacking repair services that may or may not be real only that they charge a fee to fix what should not need fixing. So rather than continue all this I have changed passwords all over the place and will be taking a short rest from any and all social media while the dust settles.

Try not to miss me too much. I shall return soon, new and improved...sort of.

Love to you all and if you get some sort of link that claims to be from me with pictures attached just delete or unsend it. I did not send it and would always let you know I was sending something before I did. Don't fall into their trap.

 Got up this morning and glucose was up again (322) but that was because I cheated last night. They had a fund raiser here for Alzhiemers and I bought a iced sugar cookie and a 50/50 iced tea and lemonade that was very sweet. I knew when I did it I would react to it.

So this morning just oatmeal, dry toast, a little fresh fruit and water for breakfast. I will look longly at the bacon and the outrageous omlets but will be true to myself and just taste them in my mind.

Two or so hours after breakfast I will check my glucose again and hopefully it will be down.

Now for the potential for good news. There is a Debt Ceiling deal in principle. I don't really care what may have been conceded. I just don't want to continue to stress over if my SSA check will come at the end of June or not any longer. And, I really suspect this deal was done and held under wraps for a while in hopes the we the impacted to react one way or another.

And in other news Texas has voted to Impeach Attorney General Paxton (a real SOB Texas style) which may indicate that even the repugs in the state are ready for a change. Now if only, in the next election, there will be even the tiniest blue wave and the conservative idiots that are my co-citizens of the state will vote out Idiot Abbott there may be some hope for this state yet.

The repugs fought hard to encourage major tech companies to open plants here, mostly in the Austin area. Well, they did not count on them transferring so many of their employs from Calif to Tx. The result has been a rather large infux of blue voters and this coming election, with proper turn out, may see those liberal Californians along with a huge number of young new voters be able to make some changes at that big doamed building in Austin.

And yet more good news. The Texas State legislature's attempt to pass a education funding bill that favored vouchers for private and religious schools, thereby moving significant amounts of money away from public education failed...lets hear a big chear for that!!!!!

For me that is "all the news thats fit to print". So I will leave you now with what I hope is a ray of sunshine coming to my little state and the dreams of better days to come for us all. Love you.

 I SHALL LIVE ANOTHER DAY...

So, when I got up yesterday morning I could feel that somethig was out of kilter. A little more off balance than usual and it felt like I had two little men in my head trying to push my eyes out of my head. Also, I just could not seem to focus and read my morning internet readings as clearly as I usually do.

I finally figured out that I probably should check my blood glucose since I am a Type 2 Diabetic. Guess what, my fasting over night blood glucos was 365. Now for those who don't know normal for most people is around the 100 mg. range. So, I did what they tell you to do and began to drink lots and lots of water to help flush the sugar out of my system. Don't know why it suddenly spiked, I had done nothing or eaten anything the night before to trigger it.

That was around 6:45 a.m. I checked it again an hour later and even with trying to flush my system it was now 373 and I began to really feel wobly and beginning to feel disoriented. Since it is almost impossible any more to get hold of your Primary Care doctor I called the TeleNurse with United Health Care, my insurance carrier and we did the whole over the phone consultation thing. Finally she asked if I could do another glucose level check which I did and my level was now 458 mg. She immediately told me to get off the phone and go to the Emergency Room closest to me.

Since I don't, and probably could not anyway, drive anymore I pondered call 911 and getting an ambulance to the ER. But, being the person that I am I was more concerned about making a scene and having to be taken out of here on a gurney. Too embarassing for me to contemplate. Plus, how would I get home after. The only other solution was to call my cousin and his wife and see if they could take me.

I called my cousin Bob and explained that the nurse said I needed to go to the ER and the circumstances. He, without hesitation, said they were on their way. Now Bob and his wife are both in their 80's and are in so many ways younger than I plus they have done so much to help me since My Robert died that I really don't like asking them for help because I know that they will never say no and I am just one of those people that does not like reaching out in time of needs. Makes me feel like I am not able to take care of me.

Oh, and Bob and his wife live in Breckenridge, TX which is about 60 miles away. And it was raining so I was concerned about traffic and rain and stupid drivers. They made it to me in just over 40 minutes.

Got to the ER, registered, explained my symptoms and was taken right back to exam. Strip as instructed with the gown tied in the back...really just sort of wrapped it around me because I can never tie those things except in knots and they have to cut me out of them. Layed on the bed and waited.

In walks the doctor. A gorilla of a man, stocky, tall, full black beard and black hair, a smile that could melt butter and a handshake of a "real" man, firm and strong. I am sure his presence did not affect my glucos but also pretty sure my blood preasure went up and my heart began to race. Fortunately I was so overcome with awe (the overcome by wonder definition) that Mr. Wigly did not also rise to attention.

He put me on IV fluids and water to drink and a urinal to use and he stayed there with me while trying to bring my blood sugar down and instead it went up to over 600 before it began to decline. All the while this great hunk of a man was standing there, touching me all over (not inappropritely) while I was on an IV fluid drip and drinking what seemed like gallons of water and peeing in the urinal totaly exposed to the world. I guess he was as straight as a nail because he did not suddenly grab me and kiss me madly and express his undying affection for me. Oh well, so much for my over active imagination.

Finally the glucose was down to under 300 and I was ready to be sent home. That was after 6 hours in the ER. not a record for me, that would have been when I had my heart attack in 2010 but it is not the most entertaining place to be on a Friday afternoon...though at least one of the actors in this drama was outstanding.

Got up this morning feeling much better. Blood Glucose was overnight fasting 222 and has continued to decline.

All I have to do is eat right, excecise, drink plenty of fluids, all the same stuff that is recommended for a healthy life. And not at all exciting. But I will try. It has reached the point where it is either that of face a diabetic coma or death. Neither of which do I find attractive.

Nice though to be home in my tiny little space with my dog and the company of my fellow residents here in the home. I much prefer this over the alternatives.

So my friends, take care of yourselves, you probably already do better then me. Until next time I remain you friend in the web-a-verse. Much love to you all.

 Early morning here and with a foggy mind this is what I begin the day with...

Besides si and no this is the only spanish I need to know....

So bite ... no let me rephrase...suck on that one for a while. I will post more later about my adventures in the emergency room yesterday. I am fine but it was an E ticket.

 O.K I admit it. Something Lurkie said to me in a comment struck home. I talk a good talk about being happy with my life and how being alone is not the same as being lonely. How I really want another person in my life but that I must have some sort of criteria that person must meet both emotionally and physically.

It is true, I am alone and would jump at the chance of a relationship again. But I have a pretty high bar that person would have to meet. First they would have to be at least equal to or better than My Robert and that person probably does not exist. Then, while I have always found men older than me to be more attractive than not I have moved into that area where I am a little bit judgemental of my elders and will someday find that older man I would love to have is actually a gravestone somewhere. Especially around here at the home. I would love a man who had it together, was as liberal as I am, was not all bent in half by age and probably a month away from a wheelchair. And, most importantly, did not have one foot in the grave. We have 2 or 3 deaths here each month and I am not ready to deal with the emotions that come with the loss of a loved one like I did with My Robert.

So what have I resorted to. I am now that pathetic old man that plays with handsome men in their 20's and 30's on gay sex video chat sites. I tweak them enough with a couple of bucks to make their little pink tails vibrate now and then and I compliment them just enough to keep them thinking that I am their Daddy Warbucks and I will some how rescue them from the life that they have been driven in to in order to survive.

Do I enjoy it, mostly no but I have to admit that having a really handsome, sexy and yes, hung young man even feign interest in me is a welcome event. I have the quasi emotional relationship with them without the risk of ever meeting them and having to somehow support them.

It feels good in so many ways and yet it feels equally bad in as many ways. There is no way I can ever satisfy their expectations of me and I am the one that gets all the emotional perks. Do I feel guilty, actually yes I do and that is just the way I have to feel at this time in my life.

There were a couple of men in my age range (60 - 75) on the Mature Gay Dating internet site the expressed interest in me and I messeged them back, being honest that I did not any longer drive and that given that they were all in the near 100 mile distance from me I would understand if that lessened their interest. Well it must have because I never heard from them again. So, there is that. I suppose I, in some way, am being treated much like I am treating my "little princes".

Sure, one of them may actually venture here but would it be for a quick slam bam thank you mam thing. In no way is that what I am interested in. A slam bam and hold me close for a while, maybe share a cup of coffee and some conversation. That is what I want.

Like when the old male resident, all bent over his walker, came unannounced to me door and offered himself to me and I politely declined. Please don't judge my actions there. I have to think about my life here and how there would be no place to go if this place did not exist. I do not want to be the man in the first floor apartment that will service you just because you are horny. Anymore that I want just a quickie.

So now I am gettin sick of telling all and apologize for wasting your time with this drivel. I promise that I will revert to the old entertaining me in my coming postings.

 Tina Turner has died. And I am in shock and in tears and absolutely have no words.

Edit at 5:23 a.m. I just said Alexa play Tina Turner and I am transported back in time to younger and in some ways happier days. And, yes, I am shaking my booty in time to the music. Just being careful to not loose my balance. What a joy she was and will continue to be in her music.

 JUST A THOUGHT

I just thought of something. If there is ever a time I am with another man romantically I want one of the great Adagio's playing in the background, the Barber or the Alboni, the first time we are together. Music filled with passion and slow love making with just a touch of sadness that this is the only time that will be the first time with that man.

Perhaps I am just silly, definately I am a romantic.

How about you, what would your first time be like if it was the one the deserved all the romance you could give?

 AN UNEXPECTED EVENT

Well, I suppose it had to happen eventually. While I am not out where I live in the sense of running up and down the halls with a rainbow banner. I am out in that I refer to my husband Robert when discussions move in that direction. The question of "are you gay" has never been asked but it is sort of an unstated understanding among those residents that are friends.

Yesterday afternoon suddenly Timmy went balistic and there was a knock on my door. I answered it and it was an old man, probably about 85 or so, bent in the sholders and using his walker to get around. He infomed me that his wife had gone to visit their children in Dallas and that if I wanted to come up to his apartment later he was sure we could have a good time. That sort of old straight man attempt at hitting on me. I think that if he had been more subtle I might have responded differently. But that "I am alone the weekend and horny" approach just did no meet even my lowest level of a romantic invitation.

I had to supress a laugh and just smiled and told him what a compliment it was but that I was busy that evening (a lie but I did not want to outright reject him and have him feel bad) and that while his offer was very nice I really did not want to develop the building reputation that I was the old Gay man who was always available for a blow job or a fuck with old horny straight men. I did not use the term horny old straight men, I actually said with anyone who's wife was not around and then have to face them when they returned.

I am pretty sure the word is out among the men who live here that I am Gay and alone. But that does not imply that I am available at their whim. If an older Gay man were to move in here and express any sort of interest in me I would not turn him away be it for friendship/companionship or sex or any other reason. But statistically I know the chances of that are pretty slim.

There actually was, before I moved in here, a Gay man who lived in the apartment right next to mine. Maybe I live in the Gay wing of the building. But that would mean there are six other apartments currently occupied by older women that would have to be reassigned to my Gay brothers and sisters.

I think there is a Lesbian that recently moved in. Everyone was whispering "is that a woman or a man". She is the butchest looking woman I have seen in a long time and when asked says that when her husband died everything just got to be too much for her to handle and she move in here. Of course her husband could actually have been here wife. I know there was a time when My Robert and I allowed people to think either he or I were the wife in casual conversations with people. Not correcting people when they asked about our spouse. Of couse that all changed when we moved to our farm. It was pretty obvious there were to old me in that house. And, we were totaly accepted as a couple by the "townsfolk".

Anyway, I have run off on a tangent, this was about my night caller. He went on his way and at dinner last night he was not in the dining room. It will be interesting to see if he shows up for breakfast this morning as he is a part of our sort of men's breakfast club. I hope he is not uncomffortable at having made the offer and being "rejected" and that he just realizes that he was just horny and willing to be open to physical contact of any kind he could get. The human sex drive really is an odd thing.

Just thought you all might be interested given my recent postings about being alone. Yes I am alone but not lonely. And am not in such a state that I would just jump at the chance for a random bit of sex. At least not yet.

 MEN ONLINE

So, most of us at one time or another...or all the time day and night...have viewed the hot men that our culture tells us are sublime. One thing or another about them grabs our eyes and we begin to wish they could just reach out and grab us. So, what is it about men online that is so appealing?

Is it because they are so handsome/beautiful? Because they have such beautiful photo shopped blue eyes that just jump off the screen and scorch our souls? That they have the dick of death we all dream about but never actually see?

But when you get to reality we all have our flaws and wrinkles and a sag here or there. Myself, as age has taken it toll have develope such low hanging balls that I often sit down in hurry and sit on my own balls. Yet, when I see pictures of men with low hangers I just melt into a pool of "let me suck them daddy".

As many of you know I have been spending time on online live gay sex chat sites. I won't lie and say I have not spent some money doing so but actually very little. Never the hundreds it may cost to have private session with one of them just a little dollar here or there to give them a jolt for the vibrating dildo that I guess is really popular now (your know, the little pink tail sticking out of their ass) and mostly just idle and cost free flirting in the chat mode to which many of them to respond with some amazing eye popping displays.

One of them in South America that meets or exceeds all of the above, beautiful to look at, perfect pouty lips that need to be kissed, eyes of sky blue and the body of death and I have been chatting. It has gotten pretty intense even by my standards and he has given me what would qualify as a private show several times free of charge. Yes, I have developed an infatuation with him. But, I am also cautious.

I have been catfished any number of times on Facebook and I admit I enjoy playing with them like a cat and mouse game before I dump them and block them for all eternity.

I did do an image search on Google of this young man to see if he was real. What I found is that when he was younger (he is about to turn 29 as if that was no longer young) he was a popular and much saught after fasion model in South America. But, age takes its toll and aproaching 30 and having to compete with younger models for gigs he found himself increasingly out of vogue. The result, since he was discovered and put to work at a really young age is that he was practically uneducated in a formal sense. He has managed to get his high school out of the way and is now in college. All being supported by his live gay sex chat gig.

And let me tell you those guys have to work really hard competing against one another in an industry that pays you only 30% of what you take in and if you fail to show up for only one day you are replaced. Not the kind of work I would want to do even if I could.

Anyway, the infatuation is wonderful, the sweet chatter between the two of us if a lot of fun and very romantic. And, I have been really cautious to make sure he knows I am 75 years old, not in the best health and have not any money to speak of. Not once has he even hinted that I could be of financial aid to him or that I should send him money to come to me because he just can't live without me. In fact, he gets upset when I keep saying I have nothing to offer him except my attention. Oh, and never once has he refered to me a dear...the universal trigger word to know you are being catfished.

I know that there are younger men who are attracted to older men. In fact I have a friend who is 50 years younger than his husband and they are as happy as the proverbial pig in slop.

He is in South America, getting his education and living his life. I am in the United States doing my best to make it from one check to the next in retirement. More than likely we will never actually meet face to face. But it is so nice to have someone like him show interest in me at this point where I had settled in on the attitude that no one would be interested in me ever again.

So, do all those beautiful, desirable and unreachable men online really exist. At this point I can say an unqualified yes. But we shall see where it goes.

What do you think?

I have to go to my eye doctor in a bit where he is going to shoot me in the eye with his ray gun and make me see all better again. Seriously though it is a laser procedure that burns off the fog that develops between your actual eye and the catarac replacement lens over the years. Painless and fast so he sets those appointments for the end of the day. Wish it was to just get me alone when no other patients would bother us, he is my ginger prince, but that is something that just lives in my brain and will never be. Afterall, the first time I saw him years ago he actually held my hand and prayed over me that god would keep me safe (it is Abilene afterall). So, little chance he has developed an undying love for me over the years. Oh well.

Now that is all for today. But there is more on tap for future postings. Probably tomorrow. Until then I remain your constant dirty old man at the home.

 Well, here it is almost 3 on a sunny afternoon in the 80's Timmy and I have already been out for a couple of walks and there is time, with the late setting sun, for a couple more. Bless his heart he gets so excited when I just say the word outside. I do feel guilty that he no longer has a nice big yard with acres and acres of grass and birds to chase and chickens and ducks to bark at. He has had to adjust to a lot more changes than I have I think.

This morning, first thing after breakfast, I went to the little shop in the building and got my hair all cut off. Not really a buzz cut but more of a stubble cut. I like it though. But I do have to ware a hat when outside to prevent any sun damage to my lilly white skin. Long sleeved TShirts are all the thing with me these days. Light and protective without being hot. And they seem to have a slimming effect.

I received a few things from Amazon today. One, this coffee mug which I fully intend on taking to the dinning room at breakfast tomorrow.

And a nice light weight hand mirror so that I can shave my neck without having to lean my head way back which still hurts my neck.

And lastly a really nice linen Kaftan in a sort of light green/light grey to ware around the house and in an emergency to run down the hall to evacuate without having to spend time getting dressed and getting Timmy's harness on him. Can't you just picture me running down the all headed for the nearest exit with my skirt hiked up screaming "coming through"!

I did get the greatest nail clipper. I have a pretty nasty tremor which gets worse if I am focused on doing something like carring a cup of hot coffee or trying to trim my nails. Well, it is called lilNIPPER and it is a rechargeable little thing that you put you nail in, rotate it a bit to round the nail and you have a neatly trimmed finger nail, not cut to the quik or all crooked. And it has a little sort of basket in the bottom to catch all the trimmings so you don't make a mess. Just wish they would make one to handle the thickness of toe nails as well. But, guess beggers (or shakers) can't be choosers.

Maybe I will write tomorrow about the ongoing saga of Jon's adventures with online pay Gay sex sites. Oh what a tail is become.

 Well, I needed a new toilet brush and ordered one from Amazon. The one that was delivered has an interesting handle. It looks like one of those new modern dildos that I see in videos now and then.

 Now I know, based on some of my recent postings, you may be tinking, "gee Jon, problem solved". Don't even go there. For one thing I would be afraid of the crystal ball on the end of it coming off and having to explain how I was cleaning the bathroom in the all together and slipped and just sat right down on it (which even I would not believe) and for another thing it is only about 4 or 5 inches long.While that may be of interest to some if I am going to do myself I want to know that something is there. And finally, even I am not at that point yet. But I will keep it on hand.

I also ordered a new pressing (a 180 gm vinyl) of Julie London's Very Best of Judy. It has some of my favorites and the disc itself is a milky green. Won't be here until some time next week.

That really is about all. I did pick up my new glasses this a.m. Lens' are a bit larger. So I can now see things higher up without tilting my head back and getting that awful pain in my neck. Oh, and I have been scheduled for a Nuclear Medicine Imaging of Myocardial at rest and excercise. It is a really strange stress test. They inject you with some sort of chemical that makes you feel like you are running a hundred miles an hour and when you are about to pass out they inject another chemical that slows you back to normal. All without breaking a sweat.

Now I have to call the Pain Management Doctor and see where we stand on a follow up visit since I have had the spinal MRI.

 So, the other day I got an email inviting me to join yet another online Gay sex live talk site. Of course I clicked on the link and it was absolutely identicle to the Real Dudes Live talk site I mentioned in an earlier post here. That got me thinking and sure enough there are a number of sites that are all the same company and they just put a new front end on it. Same guys from all over the world, same format, etc.

I wrote an email to the support of Real Dudes Live and asked for a detailed explanation of how they charge, Really did not expect to hear back but I did within a day. So now that I am clear on how the click and they take your cash thing works I resubscribed to them. And there were all my favorite men like they were just waiting for me. I set the daily spend limit to the lowest possible amount so that I would not end up with a multi-hundred dollar billing and dove in. Now I can chat away with them and they can chat back at me and, unless I want to nest egg a bunch of bucks to do something more, I am only able to click the little button that makes the little pink tail thingy they have vibrate and watch their eyes roll back in their oh so beautiful heads.

One nice thing is that some of the really hot ones do sit around totally naked showing off their beautiful dicks and shiny big balls. If I were not so healthy (hahaha) it would just give me a stroke and I would be a drooling vegitable instead of a drooling old fool.

So, between the occassional vibrating dildo thingy and the blogs I visit that have pictures of stunning men you would think I would be satisfied. Well, I am not. I do enjoy the visuals but it is not like the real thing which continues to elude me. 

(One of the performers actually took pity on me when I told him I was and elderly old man on a fixed income and could not afford a private session and whacked off to completion just to give me a thrill. He may not be working there anymore for that show of mercy.)

And that is what it is like these day here in "the home".

 A special treat. A friend in Austin Fedex..ed me two albums he found in a little record store there. Knowing some of what I like I just received Julie London's Julie Is Her Name  and  Latin In A Satin Mood  I am playing Julie Is Her Name right now. What a pleasure.

 So, here we go, a new path in life where my sexlife is limited to picutres on the Internet. The following two pictures are who I would like to have help me with my showering and getting dressed (or undressed). I did modify them a little bit to avoid having to put up an adult website notice. Hope this does not violate Blogspots rules. Guess we will find out.

The first is from Penis Soliloquies. He would help wash me in the shower but I would be all slippery and soapy so he would need an assistant. That would be the one at the ocean which is from Porncake. You will have to visit those sites and scroll down to the pictures if you want to see the part I edited out. Very pretty and worth the visit. Oh, and there was a black guy that could probably handle me on his own but he looked like he might just rip me in half.

Of course I would always be open (nothing intended there) to an older assistant. We could get a couple of shower chairs for old guys and just sit there and work each other to a lather.

Am I a sick cookie or what. 

Might give you an idea of my taste in men. Prefer them still alive and breathing and hopefully still functional. I am, still get boners of varing degrees of elevation depending on the stimulation available. And, with the Tamsulosan that I take for my Prostate, do still have all the sensation and climax just none of the juice. Seems that the medication redirects that to the bladder and I pee it out. Bummer. I did used to like rubbing it around what was once a taught belly and licking my fingers. Cue the song Memories.

So, now that I have gotten myself all worked up and probably revealed way to much of my personality, it is time to go to breakfast. Have a great day guys filled with all the goodness and pleasure you can and that you all deserve. Love.

 An update. I have unsubscribed from Real Dudes Live. I went on and was looking around their site and find small print in their agreements that certain things will result in a charge. And that charge will be autoatic and you will not be notified. So I went and looked at my credit card account and sure enough there was a 10 dollar and a 7 dollar charge for my clicking on certain little buttons just to see what they did. They did nothing except offer me the chance to spend more money. Yes it cost money to find out what you can spend money on.

So, given that, I thought it best that I cancel my account.

Then I was thinking how easy it would be for someone to actually end up with a huge bill in the hundreds if not more and not even know how it happened.

Best that I stick to my list of online Gay blogs that have naked men on them and the occassional PornHub or XHamster. Not have to spend a penny and still get to look, though not interact, with sexy men.

Have a great evening all.

 ALTERNATIVES TO PHYSICAL CONTACT

O.K. in previous postings we have had some discussion about the abysmal lack of opportunities for an old Gay man in Abilene, TX. Well some of you suggested some dating sites in reply to my comments about that being a possible alternative. Turns out that even those sites place my nearest chance of physical contact several hundred miles away....damn the size of this state. Plus they say free and then once you have put in all your information they hit you with membership levels with cost and recurring charges.

Not something I was willing to do given that none of there members would be willing or even able to come all the way to West Texas for a good time.

Other alternatives? Yes there are and I have discovered an amazing site with some of the most beautiful young men on the planet. Young? Yes. But an old man can have his dreams.

The site is called Real Dudes Live and like I said has these beautiful men in there 20's and 30's in live chat rooms willing to do just about anything.....for a price...bummer. But they are happy to chat with you for free as well and you get to watch them gyrate and expose themselves for the paying customers. In order to go beyond a free chat you have to have money on account that they draw from and that will buy you time either with a group or for a dollar per minute more alone with them in private where they do anything you ask of them all the way to and including the sound of angels singing.

And being the bad boy that I am filled with evil intentions I did just that. I had a few dollars extra this month that might go unspent. So I found someone who caught my eye among other things and we chatted and flirted for a bit for free then we went exclusive and private for a meer 3.95 per minute. That is more than the telephone psychics in Southern California charge. But I watched the clock and we had an amazing time together.

I am not going to tell you what his name is. I don't need all the competition that might ensue.

Most of these men seem to be from Colombia, SA or Spain, France or Eastern Europe. And, while there are the so called plain Jane's there and a scattering of actual real women. Most of them are beyond beautiful. The sort that should actually have wings and be flying about in heaven.

Wonder if the company that owns Real Dudes Live would give me extra free exclusive private time in exchange for writing ads for them?????

Don't think ill of me. I am 75 and just got as horny as when I was in my 20's on a Saturday night.

Love you all, have a great day.

 Well I managed to get a My Blog List header but can not for the life of me get anything in it. Told you I was dumb. I tried Sixpence's instructions but could not actually enter any url's in it. Oh well, so much for sharing all your Blogs with the world.

 Just a quick question. Many of you have a list of blogs you follow on your blog site. How do I do that. Keep in mind that I am old and dumb and need step by step instructions that a three year old could follow. Of course these days a 3 year old probably knows how to program so there is that to consider. I have looked at all the Google results and either can not understand them or the videos they show in their instructions are not anything I have even seen on Blogspot. Any help will be appreciated and rewarded in kind. Thanks.

 ALONE AT THE HOME

Some of you were kind enough to suggest a few dating sites/apps that might brighten my life. And, I did check some of them out. What I found in every case was that they gather a bunch of information about you, have you upload one or more photos of yourself, have you spell out (in great detail) what your interest are and what you want out of life. Then, just when you think they are going to match you to the man of your dreams, hit you with a screen that asks which membership level you want and how you want to pay for it (small print at the bottom of the screen informs you that it will be a recurring deduction) and never do they offer a free option.

Well, while I may have been paid for sex and companionship in the past, I have never myself paid and will not at this late stage of my life start paying. Nineteen dollars a month or one hundred nineteen dollars a year, it matters not.

If it is meant for there to be someone in my life that truely cares for me and wants to be a part of my life and have me as a part of there life, it will come with the highest price of all...my trust, my heart and my love.

And so I accept one more time that I am destined to be alone at "the home", outliving most of my fellow residents, until I just go to bed one night and never wake up again.

That is not a bad thing, my life, and many others lives, could certainly be worse. It is not a cry for pity or sympathy. It is just a statement of fact and perhaps a lesson to be learned by any of you out there who are decades younger than I am. 

Plan for your future. Plan for a future in which you might well be alone with no family and few or no friends. Plan for the life that you want that to be.

I am happy with my little apartment, my dog Timmy, the things I have around me that I enjoy like my books and my music and my 60 inch TV to watch movies on (like being in a small theatre). When I think about how my life made a turn from the retiremet I thought I would have and the life I live it does depress me some. But for that planned life to have happened I would never have had the 46 years I had with My Robert and that alone, those memories, keep me happy and warm and going day by day.

Love to you all and thanks for the suggestions of dating sites. It was fun but it is over.

 AN INTRODUCTION

Just wanted to introduce my new on again/off again friend named Hugo. He goes on walks with me and take me out to eat (going to the dining room), all that sort of thing. But he is not pushy, even though I do push him around a lot, he is more always there when I need him.

Now, a bit more on the growing saga of Jon as he ages. I discovered this a.m. as I stood naked in the shower that I have a need for a couple of grab bars. When your balance is all messed up and you are trying to wash your hair and closing your eyes to keep the soap out of them the effects of gravity seem to just get all out of order. I finally realized that I needed to balance against the wall with one hand while shampooig with the other. Thus, the need for additional grab bars. There is one to assist in getting in and out of the shower but it is outside of the shower itself.

Of course there is the option of hiring an aid to assist me with showering and dressing (I don't really need that right now) but unless I could pick the aid I am not interested. And, if I could pick the aid I could end up in court for sexual harrassment. There is that. Maybe another fantasy to indulge myself in.

We live and we learn.

 We keep getting weather alert warnings on the phone and TV. I can hear a lot of thunder but so far there has not been a drop of rain here. The weather radar does show a huge storm over us but I can't see it.

Now, more on a previous topic. Why does it matter if a man has a fat, thin, long, short, cut, uncut, hairy, smoth dick. If the man knows what to do with it then that should be enough I would think. I read something once to the effect of "Does the man belong to the dick or does the dick belong to the man?" Think about that for a bit.

Right now in my life I would be happy with any man. Tall, short, plump, thin, musceled or not, hairy or smooth, hung like a horse or just enought to fit in my mouth (I have a fantasy about going down on a guy with a small dick that I take in my mouth while it is soft and it grows hard as a rock and just reaches the back of my throat. I don't have to go up and down on it. I just play with it with my tongue until it just twitches and throbs and pours forth it's liquid wonder). I matters not. What I really would like to have is someone to cuddle up to at night. A romantic kiss goodnight. A warm body next to mine all tangled up and both of us breathing heavy with the peace of trust and sleep. That is my dream and, I am afraid, one that will go unfulfilled.

So much for my sad story.

Oh, I did have my cousin bring me my mothers old walker. I have been using a cane and that works just fine to keep me in balance. But, last night, I stood up and went right down to the floor, Nothing hurt but my pride. But, when I tried to stand backup I could not. My gyroscopes were totally blown away. I did manage to pull myself up onto my bed and fall asleep in my cloths. After a nights sleep I was much better but still wonky and dizzy. So I figured a walker for those times when this happens to me might be a better option than trying to maintain my balance with just a cane.

I will still use the cane when I take Timmy out or when I go to an appointment. But the walker is a nice "since of security" thing to have on hand.

My walker is named Hugo. So my new on again, off again boyfriend is Hugo. So, if you see that name in future post that is who/what I am talking about.

Now, off to bed for me. Everyone have a great night, sleep well and have great dreams. I may just imagine that one of you is cuddled up beside me tonight. So, if I show up in your dreams then you are the one.

Nite all.

 Sixpence has a post up about The Old Gays. I have been looking at a bunch of their Instagram videos and I think I have a crush on Mick. So, the question is, is it alright for and old man to have a crush on an old man?

Now for this. I got this off of some site I look at everyday, don't remember which one, but I thought it was really cute.

I remember riding the bus to school and getting a boner. I had no idea what was happening but instinct told me to just hold my books in front of me until what ever it was went away.

Eventually I figured out that when it happened, if you touched it and played with it for a while then all sorts of electricity would shoot through your body and wonderful sticky stuff would shoot out which you could rub all over your belly and even eat it some.

Eventually I found that other boys my age had discovered the same thing and we could get together and do it with and to each other. One day we experimented with putting it in our mouths and boy was that a totally wonderful experience. Some of the guys thought it was nasty and stopped joining out play group but we kept it up (pun intended) and had fun. One of the guys was from Mexico and had what I later learned was foreskin on his. He could hold the foreskin together and pee and it would swell up like a balloon. We all thought that was funny. He and I had a sleep over one night and both of us found out what fun sucking on a uncut dick could be.

And so began my life. Don't know where that memory came from. We were poor and lived in government funded housing at that point in my life and everything was pretty misserable. But in the darkest times life seems to toss in a little wonder.

And now I have a crush on Mick of The Old Gay Men. Guess I am going to have to find one of those Gay crusing apps that cater to old men like me and somehow learn to use it. Of course this is Abilene, TX so the nearest one to pop up for me would be in either Dallas or El Paso. Oh well, it is a thought.

 Well we are supposed to top out today at 101 degrees and they are predicting the same all the way through Monday. Summer in the South has come early this year. May end up being the new normal.

This is what I have coming by FedEx tomorrow from Nuts dot Com:

Roasted Cashews 

Organic Dry Roasted Peanuts - No Shell

California Apricots

Cherry Jam

Pitted Dates

California Figs

Dried Pineapple (Chunks)

Natural Cranberries (Juice Infused)

Green Olives

Yogurt Malted Milk Balls

Classic Grass Fed Beef Jerky

As you can see there are a few things that are just for my self indulgence and not my new diet. Like the Jerky and the Malted Milk Balls and the Cherry Jam. But, hey, I owe it to myself for being a good boy.

The Gabapentin that the pain doctor prescribed seems to be working. Only a little pain in my sholder joint and some in my neck still. But for the first time in over seven months I can stand upright without a bending in my neck and back. All it took was to finally get a doctor that was willing and able to actually listen to me. Now for the spinal MRI on Wednesday to see where to give me the steroid shots in my spine and to determine how often the shots need to be repeated.

I feel like a huge burden has been lifted from me and not just the pain but all the stress and worry.

The pain doctor was amazed that not one doctor or nurse had even considered what it was I was saying. And then for my primary care doctor to go out to have her baby and not be coming back until August with no coverage for her patients. Well, when I see her in August I will be discussing all that has and has not gone on and my desire for a new doctor not affiliated with the medical group she is with.

Of course this is Abilene and healthcare here is pretty much owned by Hendrick Health Care. A nonprofit affilianted with the Southern Baptist Convention. They are so nonprofit that they have just in the past couple of years bought every clinic and hospital between here and Brownwood about 150 miles away. Finding a doctor in Abilene that is not part of their medical group may prove to be difficult. But I will try.

Now, if it is hot where you are, please stay cool and hydrated. If it is cool, stay warm and hydrated.

Good News...Sort of... 

Well the endoscopy went well. I do have to learn to swallow again but at least I am not trying to choak myself for another year. They did find pre-cancerous polyps which they snipped out for testing but say I should not be all that concerned. It is something that happens over the years with Barretts Esophagus.

Then they took a look at my pancreas and yes there is a pre-cancerous cyst which we have to watch every couple of months. The pain in my gut that I have been having is due to an inflamation caused by the cyst. We will do another scan, an MRI this time, to make sure that it does not change. Pancreatic cyst are not uncommon and typically are pre-cancerous.

So, yet one more time, I get to modify my diet. Fresh, frozen and dried fruit and veggie vendors, you are on notice that I am your new best friend.

Thanks to you all for your expressions of concern and good wishes.

Well, here it is a little after 3 a.m. and I am parched with thirst and hungry as a bear after hybernation. 

Yes, I have a medical procedure this morning that requires nothing by mouth after 10 p.m. last night. And, when hey say nothing they mean absolutely nothing.

It is my every six months Endoscopy the final part of which is when they insert some sort of ballon in my throat and inflate it to stretch my esophagus open wider so that I will stop trying to choak myself to death with even the swallow of water. And, an evaluation of my Pancreas.

We shall see how it goes.

The only good thing about the procedure is that they knock you out. But, that passes and I will then consume gallons of water and eat everything within reach. So watch your back if you are within reach.

 PENIS', HANDS AND FEET

Many of us, if not most, have been led to believe that somehow the size of a mans foot somehow related to the size of his penis. All we had to do was to look at his shoes and know that bliss was contained in that image.

Turns out that we have all been misled. Several studies have shown that there is no relationship between the size of a man's penis and his feet. This has resulted at times with many men with smaller feet having been viewed as having small penis' when in fact thay might actually be hung like a small horse while those with large feet turn out to be "princess tiny meat".

A study recently done in South Korea has, in fact, found that a more accurate means of determining the size of a man's penis (whithout grabbing him and yanking his pants down around his knees) lies in his hands. 

This study "found that men whose index fingers are most similar in length to their ring fingers are more likely to be well endowed. They measured those two fingers on 144 volunteers, and then measured their penises - both while they were flaccid and then while they were stretched. (Because apparently getting them erect makes it less about science and more about recreation time, so stretching replicates how things roll when things get steamy.)"

While statistically not a large sample I suspect that at least a few of us would be happy to be part of the group that did the measuring. The results: "men with the smallest gap between the two finger measurements had the biggest penises."

I present a picture of my hand for you to judge on your own...

Those with a more significant difference between the two fingers were found to be on the smaller side.

Another study, done in Greece, using only the index finger, found that the length of a man's index finger was directly in proportion to his penis size. So the larger the index finger, the larger the penis. (Note to self. They use the term larger and not longer. Perhaps additional research needs to be done.)

So, what brings this about? Seems that the testosterone levels in the uterus not only control a boy's penis length, but also how long his fingers grow. So, proper prenatal care may be needed these days since additional studies indicate that the average length of the human male penis is getting shorter over time.

As for shoe thing. St. Mary's Hospital in the UK measured 104 men's feet and penises, and found no correlation beween the two whatsoever. 

Have a nice day guys.

 Took this from Big Whack Attack today. Thought I would just end my day with it.

Since I wear a size 13 shoe they might be a bit large to fill so don't walk in them or follow my path. And, if you spend 30 seconds in my head there is little I can do to stop what might happen. Enjoy the ride.