I am facing one of the most difficult decisions of my life and it depresses me to even think about it. With my age and health and the rollercoaster our economy is in (my financial status) I have come to the decision that I can no longer live here and must move to a more urban area, closer to people if something should happen to me. With all the hoops that were jumped through when Robert died the results were that I have this home to live in but it ended up destroying my credit rating. That and the fact that a nearly 3000 sq. ft. house and almost 4 acres to care for is more than I can handle on my own anymore. So I am looking at moving as soon as I can manage it in to Abilene. 

I will need to find a rental that I can afford and that is habitable and not just some sort of cheap run down shack...yes there are actually places like that which have low rents but look and feel unsafe to live in. If I can not find something that works then it will be an apartment and that will mean having to find homes for my dogs.

I currently have the three, Duke, Sara and Timmy.

They all have issues, some of which I am responsible for, that make it difficult to find homes for. Duke, the big Anatolian/Lab mix is overweight at 130 pounds and I have raised him to believe he is still just a puppy. Sara, the Boxer/Pitt mix is a 70 pound bundle of love with typical Boxer issues having to do with skin tumors that need to be removed now and then. Timmy, the Terrior, is a spoiled hyper active terror that has only known life here in the country and only with Robert and I. So, he is not properly socialized though he (and the other two) likes nothing more than to love on you and be loved on by you.

They have been raised as indoor dogs and that is part of my fear with rehomeing them. That they will be just dumped out in someones back yard and not understand what has happened to them. And the worst part is that if I can not find them a home (difficult in good circumstances but with Duke being 13, Sara being 15 and Timmy being so hyper the difficulty factor increases) then I will face the only other option and that is to put them to sleep...a nightmare I can hardly think about without just wanting to toss in the towel on all of us.

Add to to that the fact that this is the home that Robert and I made together and the thought of leaving it, just walking away as if nothing had ever been, that my memories were just part of my imagination, and my heart breaks.

I have cut every corner I can so that I can save up the money that will be required if I do find a place. First and last, deposits, administrative fees, all the stuff required to just get a place much less move. Then I will face the task of what to keep and what to get rid of, how to get rid of things, etc.

I am sorry for the "downer" nature of this post but it is my life today and that is part of what this blog is about. Cross your fingers for me and, if it is something you do, pray.