Just a notice if anyone is interested. I will be deleting the Fairy Tale at the end of the week. It is too long and it now bores me. So that is that.

 

 A FAIRY TALE – A Story of Undetermined Length – Part The Last

Now my children we will finish our tale. You all know our history, how we began as simple, almost animal like, creatures and how over the centuries we became what we even remain to be today. There were good times and bad times over those centuries. There were times of horror, times when we came close to destroying our home and ourselves. But there were also good times. Times of great joy and love and compassion between most of our kind.

Sadly, even in the best of times. there were those who's quest for power and control over all things was strong. As those of us who really believed that what was good and had been fought so hard to achieve could never be undone there was an undercurrent that was in all ways was an evil force that wanted only to control. That group of our kind grew in power and many followed them blindly believing that their way would be shared and that they also would have power and wealth.

As time passed they created great industries that produced those things we had been convinced that we could not live without. And we were all lulled into a dream like existence where things took precedence over just simply living and loving and caring for one another. And those industries brought great wealth to the few that developed them. Many of them had started as some simple effort that grew out of control. The more wealth they accumulated the more power they had. And the more power they had the more power they wanted. So those industries grew and with their growth came all the problems that we have learned now to avoid. Problems that polluted our world, our air, our water. Problems that progressively made our world not a place to live but only a place to try to survive.

Changes came over our world. As populations grew to support those industries we found that our community of beings had exceeded our ability to feed and care for every being. We found that our world had become so changed by what had been seen as progress that our world was becoming damaged beyond repair. Our days became hotter and the heat stayed throughout the nights. What little water there was and that had been shared before was now only safe to drink if chemicals were added to it. And, the impact on the health of all beings was great.

Finally, as some of us began to see that the changes were not reversible we began to look out to the stars in hopes of finding a new home where we could return to the simple lives we had lived so long ago. Most of the other beings called us deluded and foolish to believe that our world was now dying. But we continued and did manage to find a few places where we could live and thrive. Places like the one we now call Utopiana.

And so, with the aid of some who had accumulated great wealth and power but who saw what was happening, we developed great ships that could lift us to the stars and beyond.

Our time, we knew, was growing short but we managed to gather together and moved our selves and the things we knew we would need to build a new home into those great ships and on a day where people were being overcome by heat, where entire lands were being consumed by the melted cones of our once great world that helped provide the temperate climates we had thrived in, we boarded those ships and began our journey into an unknown but very hopeful future for all our kind.

As the days passed and we drew further from our once great home we were able to look back and watch as suddenly the atmosphere of that place seemed to begin to glow as if a great fire was raging. And, suddenly, that atmosphere seemed to collapse down upon our once great world and that world burst into a flame that could be seen for light years as our old home became nothing more that a cinder of dust and rock. Became another of those bodies adrift in space with no life and no ability to ever support life again. The tragedy that happened that day, the billions of lives that had chosen to stay behind only to be turned to the cosmic dust that they had originally been created from simply because they had believed that great wealth and power could solve any problem when those same problems had been created by that wealth and power...all was gone in what seemed only to be moments.

And that, my children, is what we call The End Of Times.

Now, you all know from your classes and the stories you have been told by your parents and grandparents, what happened next. How we finally arrived here and established the varied communities that all work together to provide for the whole and not only the few. How we established groups, led by our elders but welcoming the ideas of our youth, that would bring about the society we have today. A society where all are welcome, where the many openly embrace the few, where no being is an outcast made to feel they do not belong and all have an important place in the development of our society. And, most important, a place where there is no greed or need for power because all is shared by the entire community, all beings work at a skill that they enjoy and get pleasure from. We have growers and people who make the things we need. All is shared equally by all. There is not a need for wealth because we are all wealthy in that we have no needs that are not addressed by the companionship and compassion of our fellows.

And so, thus ends our Fairy Tale. A tale based our our history and our future. Be happy in these times of great joy and learn how easily that joy can be corrupted into something deadly. Be vigilant in your efforts to continue our communities. And most important, more so than anything else you may ever learn, be happy and at peace.

Now go to your homes and to those you call family. Embrace them and let them know that they are an important part of everything that is good in your lives.

A note about the writer: he is a 75 year old man who has lived through much of what this story is about. However, he is always an optimist about where humanity can go. The key being that they will only manage to overcome much of what has transpired over the past decade or so if they return to that point where love prevailed and build forward from there. He is, and was born, a Gay man who embraces all that is Queer. He was a liberal Democrat from day one and admits to having a strong socialist philosophy in the purest sense of what it means to be a socialist.

Sorry but there will be no update to our Fairy Tale today. My primary computer has been hacked and I am having to rebuild it from the ground up. Right now I am reinstalling its brain which will be followed by reattaching its little arms and legs (apps). This will probably take most of the day but it is hot outside and the AC is cool inside. So at least I will not suffer. I hope to be able to post the next chapter tomorrow.

 A FAIRY TALE – A Story of Undetermined Length – Part The First

Greetings children. Today you spent your time doing those things that interest you, the things that bring you happiness and a sense of fulfillment. And your activities produced works that can be freely shared throughout our community. Some of you planted seeds and tended gardens. Not because you were told to or forced to but because you find great pleasure in being outdoors and seeing things grow. And, the result of your efforts produce much of the food that we share at our meals whether in the community dining halls, with your families in your homes or individually sitting on a rock in the sunshine and eating a thing that exists because of your efforts.

Many of you spent your day weaving fabrics that others assembled into clothing while even others tended shops where those items were given to others to wear as both a protection and as adornment. Yes, there are those within our community that have made the decision that clothing is not a thing in which they have an interest. And, who choose to be naked as they were made. And yet, they also take great joy in growing and producing these items for distribution in our shops even tho they themselves do not make use of them.

Others of you spent the day with your mothers and fathers and grandparents in the Great Hall discussing how we can continue to be the community that we have become. Making those suggestions that continue and improve the way that we can protect our ways and still grow and embrace the ideas and desires of all those that make up our community.

In the old days there were also many who, like us, wanted only to live together, love one another and provide for one another in these ways. Yet, in those times, they were often seen as odd or not normal. They were often cast aside, ignored and even punished for the very desires that have, over the centuries, made our kind great. Those who wanted to define and control the essence of every being, to shape us into some sort of uniform group with like ideas and like behaviors, labeled those people as weird, perverted, odd and dangerous. They wanted our world to be all the same. They wanted everyone to think alike, to all be the same color and to protect their ideas with weapons that would intimidate and even kill those who dared to not follow their narrow path.

Their leaders were those with the great wealth and those business' who sought to control the entire world of communities by offering gifts and large sums of money to the ones in what was their Great Hall who, instead of discussing together the ways they could help our communities thrive, would sit in judgment of those who were different and pass into existence things called laws and rules that all the peoples of our world had to either willingly comply with or be forced into compliance at risk sometimes to their very lives.

And, those people who, like us today, wanted only to live in a world defined by good deeds and love and compassion for one another were seen as enemies who wanted the world to be something that they called a Utopia. That is why, with everything that has happened over these past decades and even centuries, we have chosen to honor that past and call our new world, this community Utopiana. To honor those who managed to finally escape before the Great Burning.

Now the hour grows late again. So go to those that you define as your family, give them the love that we all share in common and we will continue tomorrow with what is called The End Of Times.

 A FAIRY TALE – An Introduction and A Beginning

Gather around children. I am going to tell you our history. How we came to be here, what happened, and why it is so important to learn these things. This story will be told as a sort of fairy tale, a collections of myths. And, like all myths, there are hidden truths. Truths to be discovered and learned and, perhaps, truths that will make our future as bright as it was once long ago.

Like all fairy tales I must begin with...

Once upon a time. A time long, long, ago. A time when we lived and danced and sang our songs of truth and love. A time when, after so many years of turmoil, our greatest of grandfathers had brought about a great and wonderful life for most of our people.

There were still, in those days, brothers and sisters that were in want and for who life was difficult. But, it was also a time when these trials were being addressed and gradual progress was being made to assist those in need.

A time so long ago that many have forgotten all except the most foggy of memories of those days and that place. That place that our grandfathers and grandmothers had grown on over decades and even centuries to become a once great people. Had grown from almost animal like beings to what we even are today. But it was a time so long ago that only our eldest recall it. Most of you are so young that you only know of it as tales and stories told to you at bedtime to help you fall into a quiet and restful sleep unbothered by need or fear.

But it was a place where, without regard to its greatness, there were those who sought fame and power and wealth beyond their individual needs and tried to mold our world into something that fit their ideas and yet always was intended to only increase their fame and power and wealth at the cost of our very existence.

Those few were able to persuade many that their ways and ideas were the path to follow instead of the path we had set out on so many decades before and that the old ways were wrong thought and must be changed to fit their ways and ideas even though it eventually led to a world consumed with hate and fear.

A world that, while memories of its old greatness began to drift back into a dusty memory, became a place where those that numbered in the few were cast as evil and that they must be overcome by those who numbered in the many.

Only later did we all learn that it was only a few that, with their great power, were able to influence crowds to do unthinkable things to what were actually the many but diverse elements of our community.

Diverse in such ways that they were not able to join together as a single and more powerful group that could have overcome the influence of those few and very powerful ones who sought only to increase their power.

Those few with great power and wealth sought only to change our world into something it could never be because they were actually a minority who sought to destroy that and those who did not fit their very narrow and evil view. And, in doing so, brought about changes in our people and our world that could not be reversed. Changes that saw great and unspeakable things done to so many of our people, a people who only wanted to share in the dream that once was great among us.

Changes that brought about the Great Burning and led us to this place and these times when we are a community scattered across the universe with some of us trying to recover those times when we had love and compassion for one another.

But now my children, it is time for rest and sleep. Tomorrow we shall continue our history. Tomorrow we shall begin at the beginning.

 Heads up. I am pissed and there is a new post comming that will reflect what I am pissed about and what I fear...

 Well, "they" said it could never happen. And I, living here in Texas, said that Texas would be the first to do it if given the opportunity. Well, here we go....will your State be next?

It may be to late for this generation but, Bob I Should Be Laughing says, JUST FUCKING VOTE!!!

 Sometimes it seems that we get so close to our goal only to have some small little thing become so big that it throws everything off center.

Today I am saddened by one such event.

The results of one simple tie breaking penalty kick and everything came crashing down for the American teem in the Gold Cup.

I did not cry but I did screem "NOOOOOO!!!"

 SECOND POST OF THE DAY: An Unexpected Gift, Blessing, Joy

I just posted this to my Facebook page and wanted to share it with you all. So, someone who works here where I live brought me some old records knowing that I bought a Victrola and a bunch of albums. She thought I would enjoy them. I brought them to my room and started going through them. And in them was this. I took it back up to her and explained that it was worth money. She said she did not care about that, just that it was with someone who would care for it and keep is safe and really really enjoy having it. And, boy was she right. There are a lot of first releases of not only Striesand (many attached to memories that brought me to tears), but also Croche, Chicago, the Eagles, and more. I have been really enjoying this time down memory lane with some beautiful music. God smiled on this little puppy once again. And, it is too bad I am not 50 years younger I think I could really get behind doing drag to some of these tunes...and ban's on Drag be damned.

Label on clear heavy rubber/plastic cover

Side A

Side B (original version plus studio version)

 So this morning I installed Google Chat so that I can more easily have video chats with my friend Roma in St. Petersburg, Russia. I proceeded to do a setup with his phone number and when I clicked on the plus to add a chat the first thing it did was look in my contacts and suggest chat connections I might want. Well, one of those was for My Robert who still lives in my contact list. And just the momentary thought that I could actually chat with him, tell him all about what has happened since he died and how much I miss him and will miss him for all eternity...well I just broke into tears. I call them Love Tears.

 A quick update on my latest Alaska based "true love in my life". Well last night we were exchanging information about one another and he slipped up. Suddenly he is not in Alaska but on a peacekeeping mission in Yemen. Oh, and he is about to be discharged and is "looking forward to spending all his time with me, his new husband". Yes, those were his exact words. I asked him why his name on Google Chat was not the same name he has on Instagram and told him about looking him up and found over 30 online warnings about him on Global Alert. Suddenly silence. Not a word in reply. So, block, delete, block. And, he is now a sweet dream of what could have been.

But on a lighter side Timmy finally got groomed and is once more his beautiful and loving self.

So, with warm hugs from me and kisses from Timmy (and greeting from Hugo and Ellen Sky who are cuddled together in a corner) we wish you all the best life has to offer and the hope that you will someday find your own Alaska/Yemen base little soldier boy.

 Well we will finish our rather nice (in the shade with a breeze) weather of only high 90's today and beginning tomorrow the high pressure dome over us will begin to expand over the entire state and we will begin an extended period back in the 100 plus degree days with 80 and 90 degree nights. Oh bother!!!

Now I would like to introduce you to the newest addition to the family, a girlfriend for Hugo my walker. Her full name is Ellen Sky Walker (Sky Walker...get it?) and she is intended to force me into a more upright position while walking with the hopes my back muscles will relearn what they are supposed to do. So, without futher ado, meet Ellen...

I think she is rather attractive and I assembled her with no parts left over. Pretty good if I do say so myself.

I do look forward to a day somewhere in my future where I no longer need any assistive device to just live a normal life.

Not that I do not already live a pretty normal life, more normal than some I admit, and can just be left with the need for a cane all the time. I do already manage to function inside the apartment with just the cane and most of the time no assistance even though if you were watching through my window you would say I was a drunken sailor.

I do have a new catfish boyfriend. His name is Malec, or Nando, or Lawson, or Fernando or any number of other names on about 30 different TicTok accounts each claiming to be the real him and that all the others are fake.

He messeged me on my Instagram account with a "Hello handsome, would you like to be my true love", well that alone told me everything I needed to know. He is a soldier stationed in Alaska about to be discharged. So far he has not approached the money thing but I know it is out they just waiting to try to sink its teeth in me.

And, oddly enough, about a year ago I was catfished by a soldier stationed in Alaska about to be discharged who wanted to come to me but first needed air fair to Washington, D.C. so he could tie up some legal loose ends with his dying grandfather who was leaving him tons of money. Could I just help him with a few hundred dollars for the trip after which he would come to be with me forever. Oddly his name was Aiden Malec. Wonder if he is related to my new Mr. Malec or if they have all just got their playbooks mixed up.

Anyway, I am having fun playing cat and mouse with him before I yank the plug and leave him in the virtual dust wondering where I have gone to.

So, as I have fun with my fisherman, learn to walk straight with Ellen and enjoy the last "cool" we will have for several weeks I send you my best wishes and lots of love, hugs and kisses.

  AM I GAY OR QUEER OR BOTH? part two

First, if you are just stumbling upon this blog and/or this discussion you can find part one in the posting below the photo posting immediately following this post. I would suggest only that you scroll down and read part one before you jump head long into part two.

And so here we are with this amazing group of folks who comprise a diverse and beautiful group of people trying to live their truth and supporting one another in these efforts as best as they can. Getting to this point was not all butterflies and roses. In fact it involved any number of arguements, some of which bordered on violent, to get to this point. It involved, and continues to involve, the expansion of members of this new family that are often excluded upon their initial assertion of identies.

Where we once had only Gay people we now had Gay men, Lesbians and an entire community that included, in the "good old days" Transvestites, those whose only claim to community membership was that they prefered to cross dress without a gender component, a leather component that wanted to exclude anyone who was not like them, and so many more that it was becomming difficult to keep track. 

Eventually we saw the arrival of those who were, in todays terms, gender dysphoria diagnosed. The entire spectrum of Transgenderism. We had men and women who wanted to transition genders so that they could have either a Gay or Lesbian relationship with their newly definded gender, we had those who only wanted to transition their gender in hopes of finding their true love in the opposite sex and live a long and private life of happiness and joy. To, in fact, live the truth of the very core of their being.

I could go on and on delving into the minutiae of what has become the LGBTQIA++++++ group of individuals that today often stand together in asserting their right to be and to live their truth even within the overall community of individuals without a clear understanding of those we stand sholder to sholder with. And this is where we see the real beginning of those differences between what it means to be Gay and what it means to be Queer.

Now I must remind you that this is all based only on my experiences over the years and my personal opinion and not on any valid scientific research. This is, after all, my feeble attempt to dedide if I personally am Gay or Queer or both.

So, bringing it all home, I state, without question, that I am Gay. I am sexually and romantically attracted only to those of my own sex/gender. If I am going to be in a physical relationship, however long or short, with another person it is going to be with another man. And, somewhere in all that endeavor I may profess my love for that man thus moving from just fuck buddies to a not so clearly defined committment to one another be it monogamous or not.

And yet, on the other hand, I live my life as that Gay man in ways that are unique to that group of men (or women, or Trans Men or Trans Women or Bi men and women or asexual people or those with no clearly defined gender) which include those everyday behaviors that make us unique and in so many ways apart from the heteronormative majority that we are actually a clearly defined group of people that only want to live and be allowed to just simply be. And thus I am Queer.

So I have reclaimed that once derogative term used to denigrate us...the word Queer. Because I am, in fact, Queer in my behavior, my beliefs, the very essence of my being. So yes, I am also, and in many ways more Queer than Gay but am bound to admit that I am in fact both.

And there, in that proverbial nutshell, I have my answer, and I can only speak for myself and my life. I am both Gay and Queer.

 This is what I spent my afternoon doing instead or writing part 2. So part 2 will be in the a.m.

I have been loosing my hair anyway and had begun getting it cut really short. So I just took the plunge and had it shaved. Now that big old bird that was circling over me with hatching a big old egg in mind will have an easier target.

 AM I GAY OR QUEER OR BOTH? part one

First let me say that this is just my opinion. It is not based on any research but rather on my own experiences in life. And, yes, the question grew out of a discussion on Lurkie's blog and, once the seeds were planted in my brain, provoked me to think more and more about our world today vs. that world I lived in 50 odd years ago. How time flies when you are unconscious.

Now lets get the "formal" definitions out of the way. If you Google the two words, Gay and Queer, you get the following...

Gay: sexually or romantically attracted exclusively to people of one's own sex or gender (used especially of a man).

Queer: denoting or relating to a sexual or gender identity that does not correspond to established ideas of sexuality or gender.

Based simply on those two definitions I am most certainly both Gay and Queer. But life is never easy to live by definition and, in truth, it is so much more than either or both of those definitions.

I have some of my best memories of those days when we were all part of something called the Gay Community. A family of men and women and trans and asexual, bisexual, oh-my-god sexual of every sort and shade. We argued identity just as any family argues points of view even today. We were beginning the process that continues today of creating our own definition of what and who we were. We were identifying our own truth and learning to live it. But we were still a family and it was, in all aspects wonderful and beautiful and glorious. It was one of the happiest times that I have lived through. And, yes, I am saddend by its changes but also take great pride in what has become our new family of folks of every shape, shade, size, and orientation. That virtual rainbow of beings that continues to evolve today.

But with the passage of time the inevitable happened. the strength of individual identities took hold and members of our family began to insist (and rightly so) on defining who they were and asserting their new identities to such a degree that, like a single cell splitting, we had a not so sudden evolution of beings. And, we now had Gay Men and Lesbians.  Over the years the cells of our beautiful "gay" family continued splitting and became many as Bisexual people and Trans people and all the multitude of gender identities began to evolve into a great and beautiful "rainbow" of beings.

And now I need to take a break. I am writing this slowly as my thoughts and memories become more solid. I will continue to write more throughout the day and hope that in the end I can answer honestly wheather I am Gay or Queer or Both. I suspect I already know the answer to that but want to think more on it before I end this posting. So, stick with me if you can, and enjoy this journey.

 The old man is alive and well in Abilene, TX. I am sorry for the two week gap in posting anything but the past two weeks have been a real roller coaster for me. Frustration, anger, self flagellation and not for either religious or sexual reasons. Just beating myself up for being so stupid sometimes. No details other than I have come through that and will be posting soon.

I have missed you all and would have been happy to come hide in one of your basements if I could.

Now, coming soon to a blog near you...my next post will be titled: AM I GAY OR QUEER OR BOTH?

One thing I have enjoyed during my time away is the blog comments we often share and a recent blog comment salon has led me to the above posting.

Available on a blog reader near you within the next day or two.