Well, I will only commit to not feeling any worse. I am afraid that to say I feel better this morning might in some way jinx the entire healing process and down again into the abyss i will slide. I just have to be mindful that chronic pancreatitis never goes away and that it excels in the whole waiting on the sidelines ready to pounce thing.

Now, if you ever want absolute perfection in both appearance and presentation of the human form look no further then my South American gentleman. He is, without doubt, very near to the perfect representation of the human male body that is possible. And, on top of all that, he is an actual real, living person with the ability to talk and think and be a pretty nice fellow all around. If I was 50 years younger, born and raised in Medellin Colombia and lived next door to him there might be a chance. But 3 thousand miles and decades apart...well, as I have mentioned before. Sometimes the dreams are the new, and in many ways better reality.

As for Mr. Cleveland and his much more realistic and achievable reality. Well, he finally sent a picture, and not just a picture but a video as well. And let me tell you that he could easily be a contender for either Mr. Cleveland or Mr. Ohio and win it hands down. I knew from previous (professional and stock) photos that he was good looking and that he did workout to stay fit. Well, little did I realize what a hunk he actually is. Which makes me even more afraid of becoming attached. 

How could someone who looks like that be even remotely interested in this old fart. I know, and will spare you any need to point out that I probably have body shame issues. I do, I know I do, I have always had them and they do not just go away magically. And when an absolute god of a man says that they are really, really interested in you and the possibility of a relationship with you. Well, those same shame issues do not get resolved, they just latch on to any available insecurity and hold tight. 

The picture/video he sent was not "one of those" pictures, but he did have his shirt off and when I saw it I was really grateful that I do not have more issues with balance than I do because  if I did I would fallen flat on my face. I wish I could share it with you so that you can see what a lucky SOB I have turned out to be. But I do not have the right to reveal anything except what has been revealed so far with anyone without his permission first.

Now, here is am with an absolutely wonderful online relationship with my South American gentleman that can realistically never be more than it is right at this point in time. We will, I hope, continue to have the friendship we share today for the rest of time.

And now an online relationship that actually might have the potential for becoming a reality and with an equally beautiful specimen of the male form. How in gods name did I manage to hit paydirt twice without any real effort?

So, bring on the recommendations, the comments, the advice to the Love Lorne, all that and more. I am, a little more than yesterday, in a good mood today. That feels good and I welcome it.