MOVING UP AND MOVING ON

Today is a new day and an opportunity to begin life anew. Not some miraculous change, but just new, new ideas, new thoughts, new behaviors, in general a new me. I am not going to begin speaking a new language or dressing in some new and very stylish manner. I will continue with my English as I speak, read and write it. Perhaps a bit archaic but it works for me and communicates beyond the written word with, I hope, a bit of feeling. And, jeans, t-shirts and canvas loafers will continue at least until the cold weather finally gets here when the t-shirts will be replaced by sweatshirts and one of two sweaters that belonged to My Robert and that I wear with the sensation of his holding me close and keeping me safe.

I actually have a number of things that belonged to Him that I still wear and will continue to until they are thread-bare and no longer even resemble what they originally were. I used to have his socks and wore them until my feet grew due to flattening of my arches and his socks no longer fit. I still wear his boxer shorts. I always wore boxer-briefs but when He died I, for some reason, started wearing his boxers and have grown to enjoy the loose and floppy freedom they provide. And, several of the sweatshirts mentioned above were His as well as at least half of my collection of jeans. So, He is still very much a part of my life and will continue to be. That part will never change.

I am beginning a balance physical therapy program that will, I hope, help me with my balance issues to the point that I no long need anything more than my cane to be safe and secure when walking, that I no longer have to fear that awful pull of gravity when I only want to stand erect. That I can go to any of the medical clinics I have doctors at and not have to be given a yellow fall risk wrist band as a first thing function of checking in for my appointment. I have actually only had one significant fall in the past year and that one is the one that put the fear of god into my living equation and brought about a walker for stability. I only use the walker on those days when I feel really dizzy and that is part of what the balance physical therapy program is supposed to address.

And, when I feel secure in the balance department, I can finally begin the process of finding a little house to rent, with a yard for Timmy. I will have to invest in some sort of transportation also, but have several people who I know that can assist me in determining the mechanical quality of a used vehicle. Of course, not being insured for so long, my age, etc. means that I will have to pay out the ass for insurance, but if that is what it takes to be independent then that is what it will take.

That is my major goal for the next little while. I am not going to put a timeline for it to occur, only a goal that is achievable and that I want now more than anything on earth. To do my own cooking and cleaning and all the things that come with just the simple act of living your life independently and with yourself as the one you rely on.

So, pray for me if you pray, cross your fingers, toes, eyes or whatever you cross for good luck, do all the mojo that you have at hand that this one dream of mine will come to fruition soon and that I will be able to go back to living the life of a "normal" person. And, I thank you in advance for all those good wishes.