OMG...two post in one day. Life as we know it must be coming to an end. 

I don't really know why this posting is happening except I am suddenly consumed by grief over the loss of My Robert in 2021 and an amazement at how that love that we shared is still so strong, even stronger than it was at its height. There is absence, there is emptiness, there is loneliness, there are all the feelings that we all hope we will never feel. And yet, they are here and all the gorgeous, beautiful, loving and compassionate men in all of South America and throughout the world can not make that feeling and that love go away or be, in any way, less than what it was then, is now and will be for all of eternity. 

This song from the movie The Boy With Green Hair keeps running through my mind, playing at full volume on my inner speakers:

"There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far
Very far
Over land and sea

A little shy
And sad of eye
But very wise was he

And then one day
One magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me

The greatest thing
You'll ever learn
Is just to love
And be loved in return

-- Eden Ahbez

I know that some of what I am feeling has to do with my health and a growing attitude that it all just does not matter and, were it not for Timmy, I would just let it all go and be done with it. But that little furry four legged friend depends on me to make his every day a happy one and I will do that for as long as needed.

Sixpence Notthewiser recently posted the following music video on his blog. And, except for the coal miner scenes this could have been made about me and My Robert. About an always and forever kind of love, a love that will last until the end of time. The part that I regret and that is still in the video is that I let go of the farm and moved into what I call "the home". Things here are not that bad but they are not our home or our life or our dream. Now I am alone, with my memories and tears and grief that will not go away.

I am sorry to be such a downer on such a beautiful Sunday, but if you have read my blog before you know that I can be nothing if not honest about me and my life.

I hope that you are are having a better day than I am.