MEA CULPA....most sincerely

Well, within minutes of posting the preceding article titled Paying for Sex I began to get text messages and email from a group of web cam models that I am acquainted with and with whom I have formed friendships that allow for honest discussion and boy that is what I got an ear full of.

I am sincerely sorry if I have some way given the impression that I am "down" on sex work or sex workers and, as several of my model friends have pointed out to me, web cam workers or the work that they do. Of all my friends who are web cam models only my friend in Russia said "of course I sex worker. I sell my body to anyone who pays. They not touch but they pay. So I sell sex." That from a man who is a web cam model, an exotic dancer in Russian clubs and a stripper that dances at birthday parties. 

Otherwise it was made very clear to me that a web cam worker is NOT a sex worker. I will not get into the discussion on that topic at this time or in this space, but as a former sex worker myself, albeit 50 plus years ago before there was even an Internet to be a web cam worker on, I am a strong supporter of their trade and the work/service that sex workers perform (virtual or real). And support the efforts globally to organize sex work as a legitimate trade recognized by labor unions. And, thereby subject to the protections afforded other workers of all trades in the United States and around the world.

What I was trying to communicate in the previous posting was my own evolution related to the paying for sex. How even I recognized my own hypocrisy in saying I would never pay for sex while having been a very successful sex worker in my twenties and obviously got paid for sex. I think the statement "I would never pay for sex" is a sort of catch phrase that is used often by men to disguise feelings they may have related to certain insecurities...again a topic for possible further discussion but not at this time.

Those of you who have read this blog for a while are well aware of my issues with being alone and often lonely as a 75 year old Gay man who sees few, if any, bright spots on my relationship horizon and so...I have turned to the internet for virtual contacts and virtual relationships and virtual sex being performed for my benefit and at my request. 

What months of that behavior have shown me...and this only applies to me...is the emptiness of that behavior. Yes, I have the fantasy, the virtual contact, that leads to a sexual act and then it is over. There is no warm spot in the bed to remember what happened, there are no extra towels to launder and there is no second coffee cup sitting used on the kitchen counter. What is/was is gone with the click of a mouse just like turning off the television removes all the excitement or romance or comedy of the program you were watching. It is all just gone.

That is all that I was trying to convey in my previous posting. That and the changes that self awareness is bringing about in my life. I will continue to visit with my friends who are models and to on occasion purchase tokens for them and for any stranger who catches my eye for even a moments entertainment.

And if that is paying for sex, virtual or not, then yes, I Pay for Sex.