Just wanted to share the following with you today. Read, think, and discover. I found it interesting given that the writer is the pastor of a large church located in Austin, Texas.

"

Jim Rigby

2h  · 

TEACHERS OF AWAKENING

For me, consciousness is the most fascinating subject in the world. Somehow, in a universe of burning gas and exploding rock, we are lights shining out of that darkness giving witnesses to it it all.

Religion sometimes expresses the mystery of consciousness with fantastical stories. In my opinion, the point of such teaching stories should never be belief in supernatural hypotheticals. Their purpose should be to deepen and broaden our awareness until we can sense the miracle in the ordinary.

I believe it is important to notice that, when Jesus wanted to begin teaching, he took students away from their ordinary frames of reference (businesses, families, religions, etc.). He, then, took them out to a shoreline and asked them to learn from the birds and flowers. Throughout his ministry Jesus taught with parables, not theological doctrine. It seems to me that he, like Buddha, was focused on awareness, not religious tradition.

Some preachers begin and end their teaching with scripture. They believe their job is to repeat word for word what they were taught, whether they understand it or not. At funerals, they pretend to be certain about matters no human being can possibly know. In sermons, they shed more light on the past than the present. Often, without realizing it, they teach their followers to see through borrowed eyes and listen through ears not their own. They earnestly believe their job is to pass the torch that was given them. They just hope no one notices its flame has long been extinguished.

Teachers of awakening begin by leading us to our own human hearts in the here and now. At some point, they may use tools like scripture to deepen and broaden our consciousness until we fall in love with the whole process of life. To this end, they teach the miracle stories of scripture, not as violations of nature, but as poetic expressions of what life feels like when our are hearts are in tune with the whole.

Rather than making hypothetical claims about heavens and hells, teachers of awakening help us find infinity in the here. Rather than claiming to know objective facts about an ancient creation or future apocalypse, teachers of awakening help us find eternity in the now. Rather than a permanent relationship of teacher and pupil, teachers of awareness never forget that we are ALL teacher just needing to be brought back to our own wisdom.

Perhaps, most importantly, teachers of awakening never forget what they do NOT know."

 Well, I got nothing this morning. So, except for doing as little as I can possibly get away with, I will just wish you all a happy Hump day. Hope you are all happy, healthy and that you are living your best life ever. 

It is supposed to be a nice day this afternoon weather-wise so I may take a walk, read a bit of a book and play with Timmy...who by the way, may have a groomers appointment next week...we are still in hope that will happen. Finally got a returned call from The Dogfather (get it, the God Father) who, after I explained Timmy's behavior, did not hang up the phone but asked me to fill in his online request for an appointment. We live with eternal hope.

 OUT AT THE HOME

I decided this entry deserved a title thus the above in all caps and bold font.

To begin with I do not ever recall, in my life, not being out. I have committed the "sin of ommission" now and then over the years just to avoid any need to defend myself and who I am when I did not feel it was necessary given the person or people involved. For many years Robert and I called ourselves "my friend", "my roommate", "partner" just to avoid confrontations and/or difficulties in getting paperwork taken care of or to not place ourselves or anyone else in a position that a confrontation might happen. I know that is all not being out behavior but at the same time we thought nothing of walking down the street holding hands or sitting in a restaurant making "goo goo" eyes at one another.

After all our years together, when we were finally allowed to get married, we ceased all that and became husbands both in private and every where we went. And, as you have heard me say (or read me write) he was my husband before it was legal, he was my husband then and he will be my husband for the rest of eternity.

Now, here at the home.  I still, and will always have on, my wedding ring. And, bless their little pointed heads, all the residents that I meet just assume that I am widowed from a traditional male to female marriage. While I don't actively encourage that thought neither do I actively go out of my way to correct it. I have and continue to, in conversations, say "we had this" or "we lived such and such a place" which does not constitute openess about Robert's and my relationship but denies it only in the "sin of omission" manner.

Until yesterday. I decided to go out for a nice walk when the temps rose above 50 degrees for the first time in days. As I was leaving the building a resident named Jon (we have three other Jon's living here besides myself) was sitting in one of the rocking porch swing chairs getting some sun. Jon is one of the first people I met before moving in here and he is one of the people I play rummikub with a couple of time a week. So, we began to chat.

Since it was the day after Christmas that was the focus of our conversation and he asked about my family. I told him about having next to no family left alive and how this was only the second holiday season where I had been alone and that it was still something I was adjusting to. This provoked a question by Jon about how long my "wife" and I were together. To which I replied without hesitation that "my Husband Robert and I were together for most of our lives but only allowed to get married six years before he died." 

Jon sat there for just a few seconds then said "but, you were married?" To which I replied that yes, as soon as it was legally allowed we tied the knot. The conversation continued for a bit longer and Jon said that I was the first man he had ever known that had been in a long term relationship and acknowledge that it must be really hard to loose someone after so many years together (without any reference to gender). It was sort of funny though that every few sentences he would say "but you were married" like he was putting that in some sort of order in his brain.

There was really no discomfort on either of our parts in this conversation and it was as much a ice breaking moment for me as it must have been for him. I finally excused myself and continued on my walk and when I got back Jon had gone inside.

Now flash forward to dinner time. I went to our cafeteria and it was packed except for a couple of unoccupied tables. I took a seat at one of them, placed my order with the waitress and sat waiting for my meal. In walks Jon with the two ladies I play rummikub with and asked if they could join me. We sat together, had a nice dinner together with nice conversation and never once did anyone say anything related to Jon's and my conversation earlier in the day. Just four elderly friends having dinner together.

I have no idea if Jon said or will say anything to anyone about our conversation. I have no idea if there may be any other Gay widows or widowers living here and it really does not matter one way or the other. I am not at all interested in forming a sort of geriatric Gay Grey Panthers group. I do know that, at least for me, it broke the ice that older Gay people seem to have wrapped themselves in when they reach the point of having to find and live in "the home" when there are so few, if any, alternatives to pick from that are affordable and supportive. Contrary to popular belief most Gay people do not reach the apex of their live flush with cash. So you often have to take whatever living arrangements are available.

After my conversation with Jon I will continue to say things like "we did or we lived" statements. But if it is ever a part of the conversation I will not hesitate to say "my Husband and I" and I will willingly take on the task of doing whatever explaining is necessary short of any apologetic defense of our relationship. Robert's and my marriage is as valid as that of any other person living here and lasted longer than many.

So, I guess that is the first step of being out at the home.

I am sitting here now writing this and just looked over at Robert's picture on the wall and can just hear him saying "be careful Jon, don't rock the boat, you have a good thing here, just don't blow it" but I also know that if he were still alive he would walk up to me in the cafeteria this morning, give me wonderful kiss and say "what's for breakfast."

 MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL. AND WISHES FOR THE BEST NEW YEAR EVER.

I realized something last night. There are only a few days of holiday themed romantic comedies left. What is one to do when all they are broadcasting is just plain ordinary rom coms?

Last night I crawled out of my security shell and played Rummy Cube with three other residents here. I have never been a game person and I always tend to not be the winner but it was, and is, something I need to do. I know that, given the chance, I will isolate and only go out of my apartment to walk Timmy or get something to eat. Not something I want to do. So I have made a committment to myself to get involved with some of the activities here at "the home". I think that is what I am going to start calling it. It is not in any way a nursing home or an "old folks home" but rather an apartment building that caters to older people. But I sort of like the thought of it as "the home". So it shall be called that hence forth.

Another thing I have noticed is that I, in some small ways, have begun to emulate folks here. That is not in itself a bad thing. But, I am in my mid 70s and most of the other residents here are in their 80s and 90s. Yes my body has developed many aches and pains and rusty joints. But I am no any where near the shuffel gate that many of my fellow residents are. Neither am I needing to use a walker or start shopping for a wheel chair. So, my goal is to be and remain as active as I can safely be and not to give in to that sort of just sit around and dwell on the past state of mind.

All that being said I also think it is time that I wrote that book I have thought of writing for so many years. It will be a fictionalized sort of biography/journal format I think. Fictionalized because I don't remember the names of many of the other characters that are part of the story and journal format because that seems the be the way my memory works and my mind writes. Don't know what will come of this effort or how long it might take but I have thought about doing it for a long time now. In many ways it will be the only me that is left behind someday. I have no children or family to remember me and tell my story to generations that follow so this will sort of be my legacy. And, if it is ever read sometime in the future it will present a great mystery as to what was real and what was fiction.

 Impulse buying may someday be my downfall. I am a sort of computer addict. One can never have too many of them. I use them as tools, as entertainment, as a device by which I can communicate (such as this blog) and as a replacement these days for all sorts of printed material and research sources.

So, yesterday, when I got one of those Walmart emails that said they saw that sommething caught my eye...well I had to open it to see what it was that I had been interested in and it was a laptop computer. I do remember looking at it and deciding I could really not afford it and really really did not need yet one more computer. But, the email said it was on sale as a Best Buy so I gave it another look see.

And, yes, I did end up buying it. How could I not. A Lenovo 14 inch Laptop with Windows 11 (which I like except it is a Microsoft product) and I got it for less than 150 dollars and it was delivered to me here at home in less than two hours. So now including all desktops, laptops, varioius size tablets, Kindles, and so-called smart devices (cell phones) I have six computing devices.

Of course I then realized that I did not have an extra mouse and that I needed additional USB wall plug adapters so went online to order some of those and while there I ordered a really cute Teal colored single slice toaster and a water bottle made of clear plastic shaped like a milk carton. So, the new laptop did provoke the spending of even more money which I do not regret but do realize that I was getting close to being out of control.

I the past I had my Robert to stand at the door and say Jon, do you really need that right now? And, that would at least slow me down. And, then a few days later what ever I had been considering would be delivered by UPS or Fedex having been baught by Robert who wanted me to always have everything I desired. But now I only have that memory the makes me smile and sad at the same time.

I will now just tighten the belt and enjoy my new toy. A Christmas gift to myself from Robert.

 You all know that I try to avoid political issues here but just a brief posting of one of the most frightening things I think I have ever read on a legitimate news site...."includes Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.), who is expected to wield significant power in the House of Representatives once the GOP takes over the chamber next year. "

 Got my new shoes. They cost 86 bucks. That did not make me happy. That and finding out the shoe makers only make half sized up to size 11.5. Size 12 and above are whole sizes only. Lucky for me Sketchers run a little large so I could still fit in a pair of 12s without scrunching my toes up.

I got a pair of those new ones that you just step in and the heal pops back up. No fighting to get them on my big old clod hoppers.

Now, bring on the cold. I am in for the duration except for a few quick outside potty breaks for Timmy. And, he is a pretty smart little guy. He goes out, feels the cold and gets right to business and heads back to the door.

 Today I am going to get a new pair of shoes. Seems that for some of us aging means the flattening of our feet. And, as our feet flatten they tend to spread forward. Thus, longer and requiring a new pair of shoes now and then. This time, since this has been going on for a few years, I am thinking I will probably need a size 13. Too bad I did not have these when I was younger, I could have water skied bare foot...what fun.

So, tomorrow afternoon, at 4:48 p.m. EST, the Winter Solstice will be upon us. All I can say is thank god the time will start to flow the other direction at last. Long nights are just not my thing.

And, this week, the entire country is in for a deep freeze. For us they are predicting a dip below freezing Thursday evening and staying below freezing until at least Sunday afternoon. Lord, please don't let our stupid Texas electric grid go haywire like it has for the past two winters.

For those of you even just a few miles to our North. Please stay as warm as you can. I read yesterday that way up North they are expecting it to get so cold that exposed skin can suffer frost bite within 5 minutes. OUCH!!!

 So, I just watched Bros on Prime for the third time. So, those and the time I saw it in the theatre make four. Now, I have been honest about how I have become a real fan of romantic comedies. Of course I had to go ahead and just buy it so I can watch it anytime and anywhere I want and as many times as I choose.

 Here we are, one week from Christmas Day. So, to all my very special friends here on my blog I send you he best wishes for a Happy Holiday, a Merry Christmas and a very Happy New Year.

Since the pandemic has transitioned to a tripledemic I am hoping that this still stands...

 Well, it was officially a 5.6 magnitude quake and the fourth strongest quake in Texas history (since they have been tracking them). Of course that does not include back when the Permian Basin was the ocean floor and when most of what is now Texas was all under water.

John, Going Gently posted this morning with a clip of a Meatloaf song and one more time I have been caught up in what a brilliant artist Meatloaf was. Therefore I have decided to be in a Meatloaf state of mind today and a playlist of his work is in the making.

Cold today and for the rest of eternity evidently. I am officially done with Winter and it is not even the first day of it yet.

 EARTHQUAKE!!!!! Yes, I am not kidding. We had and earthquake. Located about 100 miles west of us but felt from Lubbock down to Midland/Odessa, into New Mexico and all he way past Abilene to the East. What I can find online is that it was 5.3 and only one of 24 in this area in the past month.

I was sitting and reading and it was like someone picked up the building and dropped it back down again. No big noise, no ongoing shaking, just a big plop of the building. The lights flickered and Timmy gave a big bark, jumped off the bed and ran under my desk.

All is back to "normal" now and it was really sort of exciting. Nothing like what I have been through in So. Calif. but enough to get the juices flowing. There is a group of residents playing rummy in the library next to me and they say they did not feel a thing but they get sort of roddy and probably just thought someone had a good hand of cards.

 Well, it is supposed to be pleasantly cool today but tonight it will hit freezing for the first time this year. And, by the weekend they are predicting the teens with at least a week of really cold weather. They are even saying we may have a little snow on Christmas Eve. How I would prefer Christmas in Australia.

This is my memory wall. I know it looks like some sort of shrine and, in many ways it probably is, but I call it my memory wall because of a fear that is growing inside me. I have read over and over about how people "heal" the loss of a loved one over time resulting in often forgeting even what they look like. That is something I can never allow to happen. Robert was the center of my universe and always will be. So, I set this up in my new place.

It has a picture of Robert, the cross we put over our door when we bought the farm, a saying I found after he died ("always and forever kind of love"), a little chotskie he treasured that I named Pancho Plumpo, his business card holder and his ear muffs (which like his sweaters and some other items I will use to keep warm this winter). And, of course Timmy's old harness (Timmy now has a nice new bright orange step in harness).

As long as I don't put votive candels there or leave little plates of food out then it really is not a shrine.

OMG! I just took my first sip of coffee this morning and I can actually feel my eyes coming into focus and my heart starting to beat. Maybe coffee was the fuel of the Frankenstein monster. Look out world...it's alive!!!

 Well I really like my new doctor. She is young and within 5 minutes it was like we were old friends getting together after a long absence. We did agree that I am just old and that for a man my age and in my condition I am not doing all that bad. Now just to deal with the badly sprained ankle as a result of my fall back on the 3rd of December. Other than that and getting all the ducks in a row so the insurance will cover an MRI for my neck and right sholder all is good.

I got home and they said that Timmy had not barked or cried the whole time I was gone. When I went in he was so overjoyed to see me that he almost could not control himself. There is nothing like the love of a dog for their human.

I took him out and he did a double poop and peed a gallon. Bless his heart. He is beyond good.

I am all ready for this evening. I have a pint of Baskin Robbins Reeses Peanut Cup Chocolate ice cream in the freezer and some white cchocolate macadamia nut cookies...I know I am not supposed to eat that stuff...but I am going to anyway.

The dog grooming tools came today so in the next day or so I will at try to groom Timmy. God only knows how that  is going to turn out but I have a cute orange and white Texas Longhorn sweater for him if I butcher him to badly.

 I have a doctors appointment this morning early, so since I am taking the residents shuttle and have to be ready to board it between 8 and 8:15 I am fixing my own breakfast in my new home for the first time. I have an egg poacher and while I wait on my eggs to cook thought I might just chat something out here. So here goes.

I am already tired of the beginnings of Winter weather that we have been having. Makes me ache all over. But we all have to endure. Cold drizzle this a.m. but maybe some sun this afternoon. That will be nice.

I am still spending my evenings watching romantic holiday movies on Hallmark. Guess it will not be long before I begin to buy romance novels with hunky near naked men on the cover. Oh my god, what am I becomming? 

Robert would have just told me to "man up" and we would sit and watch a football game on television. I honestly do not really like football but I really, really enjoyed watching Robert watching football. A Texas Longhorn fan all his life he began to migrate to the Red Raiders once we moved to Abilene. Now there was an entertaining few hours. Watching Robert watching a football game between the Longhorns and the Red Raiders. He would almost be in tears by the time the game ended.

Well, my egg poacher chimed so I guess my breakfast is ready. I may be back later with any update my new doctor gives me. Until then, great day to all.

 I have been trying to think about something to write for a couple of days now. Should I expound on the insanity of American politics? No, there are others that do a much better job at that and I would only end up frustrated and angry. Should I go on about art and culture? Seems that when I do that I come off as sounding pompus and opinionated. This blog has drifted toward being more of a journal for me with occasional mental journeys down ideas that are of interest to me.

So, that shall continue. So, what do I write?

I am all moved in and unpacked. Can find nothing of course. I take Timmy out for walks and to do-his-do 4 or 5 times a day...or on demand as the case may be. I am re-reading the entire Anne Rice Mayfair Witches books before the new AMC show starts next month. I had forgot what an exceptional writer she was. A lot of people do not like the way she will take 5 pages to say what could have been said in 2 sentances. But I enjoy it and, when reading, that is all that matters.

I do like my new little corner of the world. Someone pointed out that the same place in mid-town Manhatten would cost somewhere around 4-5 thousand dollars a month and would come with at least 5 wanna-be actor roommates. And, I have it all to myself. It is like living in a residency hotel. Everything is provided in one price. And when I say everything I mean everything. I did have to draw the line at letting the maid service do my laundry. That is a bit overboard even for me.

All the other residents here are really nice and friendly except for one. We actually have an Almira Gultch (or at least her reincarnation) living here. When I am taking Timmy out if we should pass her in the hall she backs up against the wall and tells me to keep that dog away, he is viscious. Now, mind you, Timmy had never seen her before, never barked or growled at her, actually hides behind me as we walk past. Poor thing is probably upset because she missed her ride on the last tornado the hit Abilene a few years back.

Now, keep in mind that this is an Independent Living place. Not an Assisted living one, we have no nurses or health care people here and it is not like a nursing home. We live the same as we would live in a Hotel with a cafe to eat in, room service if we wish. They do have planned outtings to the theatre, movies and concerts and galleries which are nice and included in the price. And, I am the second youngest person in residence at the child like age of 74. At least 80 percent of the other residents are elderly women and sit together when eating and gossip about the male residents...especially those of us who have no married significant other to serve as a shield. So, being new and "young" I am often the topic of conversation. How long I will have to endure that I do not know but the attention is nice I have to admit.

They got my cable TV installed so with that and the LG Channels I have over a thousand channels to watch plus the streaming services I subscribe to. And, guess what, there is nothing on I want to watch.

We have two coffee bars in the building where I can indulge my coffee addiction with a selection of exotic K-Cup flavors as well as plain old strong, black, make hair grow on your chest coffee. And the coffee bars just opened up a few minutes ago (5 a.m. every day) and I need a fix.

So, be of good cheer. Have a wonderful Sunday. Stay warm if it is cold and stay cool if it is warm.

 OK, so I called to put my bid on my yacht. When I told them I was bidding my entire lottery winnings of 7 dollars I think I heard something like a combined choak and giggle. This it he yacht I have had my eye on...

Can't understand why they seemed to think my bid was on the low side. It is just a little boat with 39 apartments, crew quarters, large kitchen and dining room for a large group of people. Just a little bit of a boat.

 All unpacked and don't have any idea where anything is. I do know where my coffee cup is and that is one of the most important things to keep track of. Timmy is getting settled in. He still barks when I leave the apartment which I am praying will lesson with time. He is settled in enough to just kick back and rest.

And, yes he needs to be groomed. It is just finding a groomer that will put up with his shenanagans, growling and fighting the groomer's every move. All my fault for not socializing him more. But, when he came to us years ago he only had the exposure of me, Robert and the other dogs. So his comfort level around other people is going to be a slow grow.

But, this morning, I went to get coffee and for the first time he did not cry and bark while I was gone. So, there is hope.

My adjustments are, in there own way, as serious as are his. I am more socialized but not really an extrovert. So, I have to make an effort to be social with my residential neighbors. They are, for the most part, all really friendly and helpful. And, the food here is actually pretty good. 

It looks more and more like I am going to have to give up driving. It is more and more difficult for me to turn my head to see behind when I am changing lanes and the "drop foot" is only getting worse and, of course, it is my right foot which needs to be able to know when it is on the gas and/or brake. One nice thing about this place is that it is an easy block or two walk from just about anything you could want. Except that there is no movie theatre nearby. But I have more than enough streaming available.

Now for the big news. I won 7 dollars in the lottery last night. So I can finally buy that yacht I have had my eye on.

The weather for the next couple of months looks promising. Nice but cool days, lots of sun. Some overnights that will freeze but the days will be nice. Of course, this is Texas, so that is all subject to change in a heart beat.

Hope you all have a great week. Rest, take care of yourself and your loved ones, be happy and at peace.

 I  said I would be back and I am. All moved into the new City and new Apartment. A major change I admit but so far I like it here. And, as if to prove beyond any doubt that I may have still had, as we were moving things into the new place I stepped off a curb on my weak ankle and promptly fell to the ground and needed help getting back up. Nothing broken except the skin on my right knee and what little pride I had left. But they do say "pride commeth before a fall" and I certainly proved that.

The first day here I went to the little cafe we have here and had lunch. It is all open seating, nothing assigned, and I sat an an empty table. A lady sat in one of the other chairs. It was just the two of us and we ate and chatted. Then she said "don't look but everyone is staring at us". Guess she (a long time resident) and I (the new guy on the block) sitting together and talking triggered all sorts of gossip. When I finished my meal and got up to leave I smiled at her and said I was sorry if I had damaged her reputation, with a little wink and a smile. She said not to worry, she needed the attention.

The only problem so far is that when I leave the apartment and leave Timmy behind he barks and it just echos down the hallways. I am hoping he will adjust and calm down with the knowledge I will always return. Or, there may be trouble with neighbors...so far nothng except how cute he is...but I know it is bothersome. So, at least for the time being I will take him with me if I can and leave him in the car. That, however, will not be an option when, and if, it ever starts getting warm again. He does enjoy our potty walks and just regular walks around the building and the block. He, alone with me now, gets all the attention and he just eats it up. So, I suppose I need to post a picture of Timmy the Terrible Terrior my little Rag-A-Muffin Man.

So, there you have it. I still have to unpack and put things away, but I am here. I slept on the mattress on the floor last night since my new bedframe is not due to be delivered until tomorrow. I am just glad that no one could see me trying to get up off the floor in the middle of the night to go pee.

Now, it is Sunday, and I am planning on going to church today, that means Timmy will be in the car for about an hour. I will leave early, more than anything else, I just want to hear our speaker today in person finally and not online down in Coleman.

And so he advenure has begun. I still need to get my own designated internet access. I am currently leaching off the building internet and that does not make me feel secure. And, I wish it was Spring so our walks could be longer and more far ranging. But, that will come soon enough.

Now, each of you, have a beautiful Sunday. A bit chilly here today with highs near 60. But this coming week temps are supposed to be in the mid to high 70's so that part of my dreams of our future is coming true.

 This week will be spent packing and sorting and getting things in order for my move on Dec. 3rd. I am happy to let you know that both Duke and Sara have new homes they will be going to, the chickens and ducks are moving to a  farm that free ranges and has a pond, the cat is moving up the road with my nearest neighbor out here. Everything I want to take will be taken and everything else is going to a second hand store in Abilene whos owner is helping me move and whos family has adopted be as their surrogate Grandfather...oh, and they are the ones who are adopting Duke and Sara as well.

But my internet access will be terminated on the 28th, this coming Monday so I am posting the following image as a reminder. Hopefully I will be back online shortly after the 3rd of Dec. and until then I will miss you all.

I am going to cross post this to my Facebook page as well.

Until we meet again....

 This is my Thanksgiving post of sorts. I say of sorts because I am hoping the level of gratitude, the overwhelming feeling of peace, the unexplainable since of family and community that I feel today (and for the last day or two) will continue throughout the year, next year, and the rest of my life.

I have moved from a state of fear over what my future may hold to a welcome feeling of safety and security, peace of mind and acceptance of things, a new willingness to downsize my life and move forward into what promises to be a great adventure. And, I am happy and find myself smiling a lot these days.

Maybe it is the fact that so much of the turmoil has settled, maybe it is the holiday movies I have been watching on Hallmark and Lifetime, maybe it is the fact that so many strangers have not only stepped up to help me in this time but have actually embraced me as a new member of their family.

Not a bad place to be for an old man who though he was going to be alone for the rest of his life and a welcome and brighter vision of my future.

The the little old man that lives up the lane is going to be all moved by December the 3rd, have new digs and new friends and new family and continue the journey down this path in front of me with excitement instead of fear and trepidation.

On that note I extend to each and every one of you a sincere wish for a Happy Thanksgiving. If you will be with your family, your extended family/friends or even on your own and alone. Know that you are all a part of my virtual family and that you are loved in that way that only virtual love can develop. Eat more than you want or need, love on those around you and be at peace for at least one day of the year. Try, if you can, to carry that feeling for the rest of you life.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ONE AND ALL

 As you can see I have made a few changes to the blog appearance. Thought that as I enter this new part of my life journey that I should make my blog a part of all that. The content is the same but the background has changed and I added a note at the top under the title.

Don't know if I want to keep the brown background, I will give it a try, let me know what you think. I am open to making it lighter. I also updated my profile information.

Now another day of lots more to do then I will accomplish, but I am making every effort. Supposed to be in the low 60's today...we can only hope.

Edit 5 minutes later. The brown was just too dark. I do like the book background in this one and think it is easier to read.

 Spent the day changing address on all my online accounts, dealing with a minor identity hack that required me to cancel my debit card and get a new one with a new number, taking care (I hope) of all the pharmacy stuff and doing paperwork for the new doctor and personal information for the new home.

All in all I feel like I got a lot done even if I did not pack a single speck of dust. And, most important, I know now that Duke and Sara are going to have nice new homes with people that love them and that I will be able to visit with them in the future if it will not cause them any problems.

Now a dinner being planned of beef lomein so that I can begin to get rid of everything in the fridge before the move.

Day started off with a cold wet dense fog and is ending with a pretty nice 56 degrees, no wind and bright sunshine.

And, I have a couple of recorded holiday romcoms to watch so my evening will be ending on a love filled, sugary note. What a day.

 As you are probably aware 48 hours or so ago I was in an emotional tailspin. I had to face major changes in my life and had no idea how I was going to ever do it. Well, over the weekend I found and secured a new place to live where I will feel safe and secure and have some really nice people around. In addition it is in Abilene where all my doctors are and my church is. So there is that.

Then I had to start dealing with how I was going to move and get rid of things I could not take. One of the other residents where I am moving told a friend of his about me, his friend owns a second hand furniture store and runs a charity providing clothing and household items to folks in need. He came out this morning with his sister to see what I had that he might make use of. In the process of our visit he said he would be happy to move me and my belongings to the new place. Then we visited some more, talked about what was happening and how the hardest thing was that I might actually have to put down Duke and Sara since they were older and I was having no luck rehoming them. He asked if Duke would bite if he went out to see him. I told him no and he went out on the porch, Duke came up to him and it was love at first site. So, long story short, not only is he going to take all the stuff I have to leave behind. But, he is going to help move me to my new home and he will be the new daddy to duke...and his sister is going to take Sara.

So, burdens lifted, life has done a complete turn around and I feel good about the move.  I still have to go through a bunch of papers to get rid of and decide which of my books to keep. But, that is the down side of this journey.

So in 12 days I will be moved and in my new home. I will have access to internet in the new place on their residential system for free until I get my own installed.

Like so many times in the past I am taken care of by just doing the legwork and letting the heavy lifting be taken care of by someone with better skills than me.

 Like it or not everyone prays. Some to a god of their choice, some with positive thoughts, some even dance naked in the moonlight. However you do it can you all join me in praying for an early and mild spring and even before that a unseasonable and mild heat wave.

For those that might really like this cold weather, well I just hope that we all outnumber you.

 What a day it has been. It started out with tears and fears and feeling very much like a "beggars can't be choosers" kind of person. But it has ended up on the up side with me feeling a much higher level of peace than I have felt in a long time.

Between now and the first week of December I will be moving from our farm to a very small apartment in an independant living facility in Abilene. It is pretty expensive but I can afford it and it includes everything including meals, cleaning service, the even change the sheets on the bed.

My mother actually lived there for several years before she died back in 2019 and I walked in and the lady at the front desk said..."Jon we havn't seen you in years how have you been?" it is that sort of place. By the time we left I already had made 3 friends...older men on their own like I will be...and was put in contact with a man who is coming on Monday to identify all the furniture and small kitchen appliances, etc. that he can either sell or give away to people in need.

One possible problem is that in the transition I may not have internet service for a month or two so I may not be able to do what I do online except by my phone. So, if you do not hear from me or read something new here do not worry, it is just a transition period and will come to an end and I will be back in all my glory!!!

I do have to find homes for my two larger dogs but Timmy, my terrier, can stay with me and that will be a blessing. Now begins the task of identifying what I can take with me and getting rid of all the stuff I can't.

Please stick with me through all this, don't give up on me. I really appreciate you all and your comments and expressions of good wishes.

I never thought I would be starting an entirely new life journey at this point in my life but such it is and so be it.

Later everyone, stay warm and happy and full of peace.

 First, let me say I am sorry for "dumping" this posting on all of you, feel free to just pass it by.

I have been up all night worrying and crying and feeling not at all good about my life and how things seem to be shifting totally out of my control. The doctor yesterday has pretty much narrowed things down to a probable pinched nerve in my neck that, combined with an arthritis flare up is what is going on. He is ordering an MRI which I will have to go to Abilene to have done when they schedule it. What the outcome of those results will be, your guess is as good as mine which is not all that good at this point. In addition to that he says I have something commonly called drop foot on my right leg. Something about nerves being damaged and causing me to have trouble walking with any balance. Perhaps associated with the pinched nerve, perhaps related to a family history on my fathers side of Parkinsons, perhaps just a continuation of the Diabetic Neuropathy that I have in both legs. God only knows and so far He has not seen fit to share that information with me.

At the end of our visit he made it pretty clear to me that I am rapidly reaching the point that I will no longer be able to live alone way out here in the country trying to hold together a huge house and do what needs doing to take care of a small farm. So I have to now really concentrate on making a move to Abilene where I will be closer to people and the doctors that I see. And, since he is leaving Coleman at the end of the month, he is encouraging me to locate a doctor in Abilene to be my primary care doctor.

Of course this is not all that simple to do. It means that I will have to get rid of both Duke and Sara which breaks my heart. I should be able to keep Timmy since he is a small dog and will meet pet standards just about any place.

And I have not got a penny to my name which means that one more time I will have to turn to my Cousin and his wife for help. I am 74 years old and having to lean on other people just to survive does not set well with me. If Robert were still alive none of this would be an issue. But the universe has seen fit to toss me to the ground yet one more time...can you tell that I am on a bit of a pitty pot this morning.

As difficult as all the above is going to be I do see the need for it and will do what I can to adjust. But even more difficult is the thought of leaving the home that Robert and I tried so hard to put together. To say that I feel like an absolute failure is putting it mildly. If there was a way that I could just join Robert without causing harm or saddness I would in a heartbeat. But, I also have a pretty strong belief in an old Asian philosophy that says that if a person chooses to end their life they will have to come back and live it again and again until they get it right. And, I can not even think about that. So, the world is stuck with me and I with it no matter the cards that are being dealt.

I do not want any sympathy but any and all good wishes will be welcome and appreciated. 

Now I have to begin the process of figuring out how to consolidate a lifetime of belongings and the contents of a three bedroom house into a one bedroom apartment if I can even find one that I can afford.

 As many of you know I managed to lock myself out of Facebook for 60 days. I went online this morning and deleted my Instagram account without knowing that it was linked to my Facebook account which locked me out of Facebook. I did find a hack around it but it involves my having to change the login credentials and that would mean having to let all my friends know the change. Best left along for two months and go through the withdrawal that will involve. So, if you try to connect to me on Facebook and see the following, fear not, I am still alive and kicking and will return in Jan. of 2023.

Now, after last nights Earth shattering announcement (just kidding) that the mighty orange one is going to run for President again...while many of the folks in attendance tried to run for the exits but were blocked and held as a captive audiance by the security guards...well, what can I say except that the definition of crazy is to keep trying to do the same thing over and over again only to find the results are the same.

Tomorrow I go to the doctor and I am sure he will do some medical magic that will heal me of my arthritis pain and leave me feeling like a 17 year old. Which will be great for me but not so good for the rest of the world if I am the same 17 year old that I once was. I did a lot of really not nice things, had a wonderful life, managed to survive without ending up in prison or six feet under, managed to eventually settle into a "normal" life, find the love of my life and end up where I am today.

Maybe not what I had planned but not a bad life and I have so many memories that keep me happy and warm and feeling loved. What more could the crooked old man that lives up the lane want.

 It has been a bright sunny and cold blustery wind sort of day all day and I will be glad when it is time to put the birds up for the night, feed the cat that lives in our garage and shut the house down for the evening. Pain is constant but I can endure. Looking forward to the doctor on Thursday, hope he will have somehing that will lessen the pain and not destroy any of my internal organs.

O.K. Here we go. This is a recommendation for a mini-series on Prime and it is meant with all sincerity. The show is The English it is a western, it is a love story, it is violent without being gory. And, it is probably a better representation of what life was like in the 1890 America and England than anything we were ever taught in history classes in school. It is very, very well written, acted with the skill you always want but seldom see, and the score is so beautiful I hope the release it on a CD or downloadable format soon. It is all in all an outstanding visual and audio experience that I can not recommend highly enough.

I am thinking that I might start copying these blog posting to my Facebook page now and then. So, if you visit both do not be surprised to see the same content in both on occassion.

Now I will begin the process of shutting down the universe that resides in my little corner of paradise. Have a really blessed and peaceful night everyone of you.

 Another blog that I keep up with called Going Gently (https://disasterfilm.blogspot.com/) recently mentioned a show on Prime that I started watching and am now bingeing. Titled The English it is a western like none I have ever seen before and I highly recommend it. 

I have started doing TENS on my aching joint and neck and it does seem to help some. Still a lot of pain which is something I am beginning to believe that I will just have to learn to live with. There is a shoulder brace on order for me and I do have another appointment with the doctor this Thursday. I currently have limited mobility in my right arm and can not raise my head up to see in higher shelves or to shave my neck below my beard without a lot of pain. Arthritis strength Tylenol seems to help more than any of the prescription drugs that I have been given. The only thing that really worked (if only for a few hours) was the shot they gave me in the ER and which I am sure if i asked for another one I would end up on some sort of drug registry somewhere.

Now though I have to venture out to get dog food and bird feed (why is one food and the other feed?) some Aspercream (which sooths even though it does not stop the pain) and a few things at the market. It is cold, drizzly and foggy and as if driving did not hurt enought the dampness will make things all the more difficult.

I hope it is nicer weather where you may be and that you are all staying warm and dry and happy.

Today is the anniversary of the day Robert and I met. It proved to be the beginning of the greatest love anyone could ever imagine. So today I wish Robert a Happy Anniversary. We met and I thought I would spend the rest of my life with you. As it turned out you spent ther rest of your life with me. I miss you more than anyone can ever know. I loved you then, I love you now and I will love you for eternity.

Robert Moran 1954 - 2021

 Well I was going to man up and mow the yard today no matter how much it hurt. But our high temp of 54 degrees was shortly after midnight and the daytime high is expected to only be in the 40's with chill factors in the 30's and tonight it is predicted to get below freezing for the first time this year. So, grass gets a reprieve. Maybe it will just freeze solid and I can go out and just break it off. One has eternal hope.

So the only real thing I have to take care of today is manage to drive in to town this afternoon to pick up my Trulicity prescription at the pharmacy and a few things at the grocery store. Think I might need to get some comfort food just don't know what I want or will want over the next few days.

For those interested this is early in the season for us to go below freezing. Usually our real winter starts in Jan. and runs through March. But they (the weather pundits) have been predicting that we will have yet another really severe winter. Two years ago (the big freeze that saw so many deaths) it got in the 20's with overnights below zero for 10 days or so. Power outages and all that mess. Last year it was a regular occurance for temps to drop below freezing for weeks at a time. And now this. It is no wonder that my arthritis is peaking.

So I will spend the next few months doing what I do best which is avoiding doing anything that does not absolutely have to be done. Multiple layers of clothing. Lots of reading and hopefully some good movies on television (I have Prime, Vudu, and the free streaming channels plus hundreds of channels on Dish to choose from). I may even begin to write that book I have been going to write for so many years.

Some of you have been having your Indian Summer. Enjoy it while you have it. Your winter will come in time. The rest of you...just enjoy waking up on this side of the grass today and treat yourselves to the best life possible.

I am editing this post to add...the powers that be have just issued a freeze warning for tonight...oh joy!!!

In spite of all the physical pain I am feeling right now I do find that I love being happy, I love feeling good, I love happy endings. So, I have been bingeing holiday movies on both Lifetime and the Hallmark channel. Yes I have been exposed to so much sweetness that I am surprised that I am not in a Diabetic coma. And, I have the DVR set to record even more of them over the next few days.

So, with that said I am wishing you all a happy holiday season with lots of love and hugs and enough good feelings to last a lifetime.

I have made it through today with the help of Tylenol with Codeine. It helps, I still have enough pain for ten people but at least I am not screeming. I got another apointment with the Doctor but he can't see me until a week from today. Cross your fingers that I make it that long.

 I can not put into words what I am feeling right now. The mid-terms are over, votes are still being counted and, at this point, it looks as if the country will survive but still be a not really comfortable place to live.  A few Republican seats have been flipped, The PA. Senate race is a bright light on the horizon, and my beloved home state of Texas will remain the political cess pool that we have had for the past 8 years.

In two more years we will have the General Election in which we will select who will be our President for the coming four years. Let me just say that I am a hard core Democrat, just to get that out of the way up front. Now, my party, the Democratic Party, needs to take a good look at itself. My dream ticket for the 2024 election would be Mayor Pete for President and Stacey Abrams for Vice President.

I do not have any real problem with Biden but he will be over 80 years old in 2024 and, as a 74 year old man myself, I really think it is time for the Democratic Party to reach out and embrace with more enthuasium a younger ticket across the board.

As for the Republicans, they are facing another outing with 45 who has all but officially announced he will be a candidate and is already threatening to spill the beans on his most likely rival, the Gov. of Florida. So a continuing shit-show for those folks and potentially for the country.

Enought politics for now. My pain is still there. It seems to be trying to be kinder to me, but it still hurts like Hell at times. The test they did really just confirmed that every joint in my body is arthritic and my right sholder is a particularly arthritic zone that has decided to flare up for no real reason other than changes in the weather. That does not portend well for me when we get into the real Winter months for us which are Jan., Feb., and Mar.

 Cold and damp here this morning which does not make my sholder/neck pain any better. I do have an appointment with my doctor in a couple of hours and only hope and pray that there is someting they can do about the pain while they determine my best course of action.

I did end up in the emergency room last Thursday and got a diagnosis of severe arthritic detereation of my right sholder. The only thing about that is that it is a diagnosis of continued pain, sometime better and sometimes worse and one of those "you just have to learn to live with it" things.

So, I welcome your best wishes and prayers if you are so inclined.

 Seems as if the muscle relaxer works but now I can feel the pain in my sholder joint which seems to radiate into my neck and arm. I have a follow up appt. with the doctor on Monday a.m. Just hope there is a non-surgical soloution to all this. That soloution may end up being that I just have to learn to live with it.

Flexeril (the muscle relaxer) really knocks me into a goofy sort of drunken staggering zone of some sorts. There is no way I could drive. I was just barely able to stagger out to let the birds out this a.m. and feed them.

And, sleeping, I have to prop myself up just to lessen the pain to the point I can doze off until I move and the jolt of pain wakes me up.

So, there you hvae it. Just the old man at the end of the lane falling apart joint by joint.

Now, the weather here was 34 degrees when I got up so had to turn the heat on. As soon as I did that i felt my wallet cringe. My heat is electric and the last couple of winters was running at about 400 bucks a month. It is this season that makes me wish I lived in a much smaller house.

Stay warm and healthy everyone.

 Managed to make it to my AA meeting and on the way home the sholder pain was so bad I was actually crying over it. Not tears and sobs just massive amounts of water coming from my eyes. So, I pulled over and called my doctors office and, of course, they could not fit me in until Monday. I don't think i could have made it that long so I went to the ER and the new hospital in Coleman.

Turns out that my arthritis, which was located just in both sholder joints, had decided to reach out and join forces. I have arthritis all across my upper back including the cervical spine. So they gave me a steroid shot and some Flexeril and within 30 minutes I felt better. Still some pain but managable. Now I have to figure out what to do about the arthritis. Not much I don't think except pain killers. Guess it is time to hit Google and see what the Mayo clinic has to say.

Just nice to be able to move again without a bunch of pain.

 I took the muscle relaxer and threw it right back up within half an hour. So much for that. This morning I took 700mg of Tylenol and rubbed some Awsome Sauce (CBD salve) on it. That has knocked out about 3/4 of the pain so I should be able to drive to Brownwood for their noon AA meeting. Looking forward to that as i have not been in almost a month and miss them all a lot.

OH!!!! And I won 8 dollars in the Power Ball lottery and another 2 in the Texas Lotto. So i won 10 bucks...no I did not. I got back the 10 bucks I had invested to begin with so I just broke even. Better than being the outright looser I usually am. Anyway, I am now obligated to reinvest my windfall in more Power Ball tickets.....1.5 Billion dollars....I think I might just be able to make ends meet with that.

Got to get myself in gear now so I can hit the road to Brownwood. I have to have the time to stop and trade my winners for a new batch of loosers. And, if I get there early enough I can splurge and have a bite to eat at What-A-Burger.

 Well the old man has some life in him yet. 

I know that because I have a pain in my right sholder, cold damp weather created a cramped muscle which will just not relax. So today I will do a muscle relaxer and hope it helps.

Funny how a pain, a stubbed toe or some such will bring you right back down to earth.

Now what have I been up to. Well, I made some sourdough bread which will be a part of this mornings breakfast. I finished all five books in the Eli and Max Mysteries and am just waiting for book six to come out sometime in the next month or so. And, I have read that there will be a book seven. So I have that to look forward to.

I bought my PowerBall ticket. If I win 1.2 Billion dollars I am not sure what I would do. I think I would go ahead and pay the mortgage on our house so I can get the deed changed to my name and then spend a lot of money fixing it up. It is, afterall, the home that Robert and I put together and I would keep it just because of that. I would still probably move in to Abilene or Brownwood. Abilene because that is where my doctors are as well as my church. Brownwood because I have made so many friends in AA there and it would be nice to be near them in the real world and not just AA meetings.

Of course I suppose I would be able to afford a nice place with room to have a staff and a driver/companion and just travel back and forth between the three places. I would like a nice couple to cook, clean and take care of the yards. Then the companion would have to be a good and responsible driver, someone who I could trust and talk to and, since I would have a billion dollars in the bank, someone who could serve as my bodyguard. Oh, the fantasies we can indulge in when we secretly know they will never come true.

Right now I would be more than happy with around 100K. I could pay off the mortgage and spend a bunch making this place whole again.

Facebook has become an integral connection to the world beyond Moran-Newman Farms (that is what we call this place). I never even used Facebook before Robert died. Then I started using it just to have a sensation of connection with the "real" world. Over the past couple of years I have actually made friends on Facebook that I will never meet face-to-face but that are as much friends as they would be if they were neighbors. And there are even a couple of men that I have communicated with that could become involvements if we do ever meet. Yes Robert was, is and will always be the love of my life and I still, and will continue to keep my wedding ring on and know that he was and will always be my husband. But it would be nice to have someone to hug and be hugged by. Someone to lay my head in their lap watching television or share the experience of reading and talking about a book with.

I am, afterall, 74 years old and do not delude myself by trying to believe that the Gay community that I am a part of is not very age aware. I am not and have never been interested in young men. Most of the men that I might even remotely be interested in are older (yet still young enough to be my child) and they tend to be not interested in someone my age.

So, yet one more card I have been dealt. The good fortune to outlive my desirability. I have memories of the 28 inch waist I once had and that is now long gone. I remember having hair that reached almost to the middle of my back and being able to just smile or make eye contact across a room or a bar and magic would happen. I even actually earned my way through life with my looks until I decided that there had to be more to everything than sex at about the age of 25 and actually started living a "normal" life with a job and all the responsibilities that came with that. Even though I continued to be a raging yet functioning alcoholic until I turned 32 and got sober. And, in the five years or so of "responsible" living I met the man that I would love for the rest of my life.

I look back on things now and, even though some of my past was a bit iffy, am well aware of how lucky I have been. I have loved and been loved. I have had great health and good times. I have been desired by and desired some of the most amazing men who propriety demands remain unnamed. I have been happy and laughed until I cried. And, I have had great saddness where the tears seemed like they would never stop.

How could I not be greatful for the life that I have been given and continue to live even if there are times that I think otherwise?

And so, today I am aware that the old man has some life in him yet. The aches and pains I feel on occassion, the thinning hair and receeding hair line, the larger than 28 inch waist, the failing vision, the forgetful moments are all not only part of growing older but the price we all have to pay for the youth we lived.

Now I am beginning to feel the urge to tell my story but I have babbled on enough for one posting. So, in the near future I think I may begin posting how I came to be who I am today.

I hope you all have a great day, the weather here is supposed to be really nice for the next few days. I hope the pain in my sholder passes soon, it would be nice to be able to turn my head from side to side without wincing. The time changes this coming Sunday and the election (mid-terms) is this coming Tuesday and we will find out if our world is going to radically change or begin the process of healing from the past few years of turmoil.

 I finished the 4th book in the Eli and Max Mysteries by Dave Snyder last night and admit I did something I had not done in a while. I actually started the book on the 27th and, except for a few hours sleep and dealing with my chores here on the farm, I read right through to the end which was about 10 p.m. last night. Now, sometime today, I will begin the 5th book in the series and then begin the process of eagerly waiting for book number 6 to become available.

I have always enjoyed a good mystery but had found more and more of them to be formula driven and not all that entertaining. The Eli and Max Mysteries however I found to be not be that way at all. I find Snyders writing to be fresh and enjoyable. His characters develop not only within a single volume but grow as individual characters with each volume you read.

I have to admit that the characters Eli and Max are so intriguing to me because they remind me so much of my Robert and me. While they are incredably rich we were very poor (middle class at best). While they are active we were not even though we live on a farm and are "active" in the maintenance thereof. While they seem to have a bit of a drinking problem (my estimation and opinion only) neither of us drank. But their relationship with one another, their banter and humor, the way they tease one another is so much like my Robert and me that it is possible to see us in them as I read.

We all have read something where we could fantasize about being in that place, having that experience, that sort of thing. But, for me, reading the Eli and Max Mysteries is a trigger for some ot the best memories I have. So, I thank Snyder for that.

So, I do suggest you give them a read if you like a good mystery. They are available on Amazon as both print copies and ebooks. Oh, and Snyder also writes a entertaining and informative Blog which you can find at http://www.ridingon.bike/ and which I think you will enjoy.

Now after two days of pretty heavy rain which we needed badly it is supposed to dry out and the temps should go from the cold and damp 40's and 50's to a, at least psychologically needed, 50's to 70's with lots of sun. That I am looking forward to, especially since I have been in the throws of an allergy attack that is trying to settle in my head and become a cold. I am about juiced out and in bad need of something really spicy to eat. We shall see what I can pull together.

 Remember back on the 15th how I woke up with a "scratch" to my right eye? Well this morning I woke up with the same thing in my left eye. Oh bother. I know it will heal but it sure puts a damper on my day.

Yesterday was an interesting day. I had several long conversations with people related to the spiritual nature of man, religion and religious components of life, the history of religion and the history of the church, and the tendency these days to want to soft-peddle anything related to religion in order to not offend anyone and to compete with what I call corporate christianity.

Well, among other things one person who has a pretty storng fundamentalist perspective told me I was a heratic. Another person, upon hearing that I was Gay told me I was an abomination. And, I had a serious debate with a Lesbian friend about me being a sexist because I continue to use words like female and women which have the words male and men in them so they are evidently offensive and are, in fact, triggers for anger within the more activist Lesbian community. Oh, and a even more interesting discussion with a minister that I know about how even identifying as a Christian, using the word Church and the symbols of religion constitute negative triggers in people so we should not use those terms. By the way, this minister no longer identifies as Christian but only as a follower of The Way out of fear of triggering a negative reaction in some people.

Theology, the study of the religious components of our lives, the spiritual nature of humanity, and the deconstruction of the etomology of language/words used in spiritual texts have always been a major interest to me. And, evidently that interest, what I have and am learning, how I view those areas both within my own life and the world at large make me a heratic and an abomination.

So, be careful reading my blog. There is a thing known as guilt by association afterall.

Me as a heratic...

Me, the abomination...

So, I guess my fate is set in stone and I am either condemned for all eternity or I am a part of an elite group that used to called a Devil's Advocate. Neither of which will change what I think, feel and believe or compromise in any way my faith in what I believe.

Maybe it is because we are comming up on Halloween. Have a wonderful day everyone of you.

 It is cold this morning and I have had to turn on the heat until the sun comes up. Sara is feeling under the weather, hopefully she will perk up when I give them their food. The cat that lives in our garage is becoming more and more affectionate and just chatters to me when I am out but still will not allow me to actually pick him up.

Today will be a day of laundry and getting ready for a Zoom meeting both tonight and tomorrow night. Tonight is a mid-week church check in that I enjoy, give me a chance to visit with people that I would otherwise only see on Sundays if I actually make the effort to drive to Abilene for services. Tomorrow I am trying something I have never done before. I am actually "hosting" a Zoom meeting with our AA group here in Coleman. It is a selfish act on my part since I can not drive in the dark (I can drive but my vision is deminished after the sun sets) so I thought I might see if there is any interest. It will be interesting to see if anyone actually connects. If they do not, or if no interest is shown, I will just cancel the entire thing and save the money Zoom costs.

I am about half way through the 3rd Eli and Max Mystery by Dave Snyder. I am really enjoying this series of books and with each one they get better and better. I do have only one issue with this one though. It has snakes and I do not like snakes, I do not like reading about them or seeing them or even thinking about them. So, I read this one with my feet off the floor just in case.

We have had some nice rain followed by sunny days so the grass will continue to grow which means I probably have at least one more mow for this season. If I ever win the lottery and decide to stay here the entire place is going to be paved and painted green.

Have a wonderful day everyone and stay warm and dry.

 O.K. it is a done deal, and yes, I did vote for the right candidates. It was raining and I was surprised to see so many people there the first day of early voting. I live in Coleman County, TX and there are about 9,000 total population. Of them less than 400 are registered Democrats. All the other registered voters are registered as Republicans though they often vote as Independants. 

Now just a bit about life in a small town, even though I actually live out in the country 13 miles North of town. The city animal ordinances basically say that you can have anything in the city limits except pigs. So, what an entertaining site to see someone pet goat got out and was just calmly walking down the street.

Now, just in closing, I seem to have a broke dog. 

 Well, here in West Texas we are having our 4th or 5th Summer of the year. Temps in the 90's. So, I am officially over it...

 PARANOIA has begun to sit in. Yet one more time a blog that I visit on occassion has been "blacklisted" by the blogger algorythms. I am sure they will eventually get it sorted out and be back online but it has triggered my paranoia that those same algorythms will someday find a word or a sentence in something I write and Moran-Newman-Farms will just vanish and everything I have written will be lost for eternity.

While nothing here has, so far, been deemed inappropriate it could happen especially if I ever let go and start a rant about some idiot in Washington, DC. So I have been trying to figure out how to backup my blog contents to my hard drive just to be on the safe side. This is, afterall, sort of my diary and I would like to keep it. Who knows, it may someday become the inspiration for that great American novel and its loss could change the course of history. (No over inflated ego here.)

I did finally find some instructions of how to download the blog contents and followed them. What I got was someting called an .xml file which is just tons of code that I am not able to read. One solution I found was to just drag and drop the file into Chrome which I did and it tried to open, did so partially, but then just so much crap that it was not readable and yet another area where one arm of Google does not know how to work with another arm of Google. So I tried to find something that could convert .xml to a more human friendly format and failed. I did find an .xml reader that says it automatically converts the .xml to PDF format but, even though it is a Google product, it fails and says there is an error in formatting of the .xml file (produced by Google). So their own programs can not talk to one another.

If I was still in the Microsoft universe I would know how to deal with this but a little over a year ago I moved into the Chrome universe, which I really do like, and do not have the knowledge or skills to make these conversions.

I have a 22 inch Chromebase (not a Chromebook, but the desktop)

And, yes, my work table is that messy and covered with cords and cables. Sorry. Of course Google and Chrome do not provide any solutions on how to deal with this issue within their own universe.

So, if any of you have the skillset, knowledge or optional solution to backing up a Blogger Blog I am open to suggestions and will be eternally greatful for your assistance in putting my paranoia to rest.

 Just a quick movie recommendation...Grace Quigley with Nick Nolte and Katharine Hepburn.

 My life becomes more and more a pattern. Books, movies, mowing the yard, cleaning the house...rince and repeat.

This weekend I have two books going to finish and a couple of scary movies to watch...probably in broad daylight and try to forget what I see before it gets dark.

And, Sunday is a full church day. Service followed by pot-luck then what they call a congregational where we will review and approve a budget for the coming year.

The weather has been nice if a bit cold in the a.m. hours. I actually had to use the heater yesterday a.m. for a few hours.

 Just a really brief post to start the day, I may post more later, who knows. Anyway, this morning I watch the movie The Elecctrical Life of Louis Wain staring Benedict Cumberbatch on Prime. I had added it to my watch list months ago but never got around to watching it. With it getting light later and this morning being on the cold side I decided to spend the time with a movie.

Well, I am not sure what I was expecting, nor did I really know anything about Louis Wain. But this film is amazing. Cumberbatch really shows his talent and acting ability in ways that are much more gentle than I can recall him ever being.

It is a beautiful and funny and sad story about an amazing man and I highly recommend it if you have not seen it yet.

Oh, and if you like cats, this movie will open your eyes to a lot of cat history.

 Well my eye is much better, I guess I should say healed but don't want to jinx anything. So, I can go back to normal. Of course, it is Sunday...the day of rest...so maybe I should use that excuse (like I need an excuse) and just take it easy.

I do have to take the trash out so that it will be there for them to pick up on Monday a.m. at about 5 a.m. and trigger the dogs to go ballistic. Other that that, there is nothing that can not continue to be put off.

I am right in the middle of a non-scientific experiment to validate what Quintin Crisp said when he wrote "why dust, it doesn't get any thicker after four years anyway". So there is that and I have a couple of years more to let this experiment run.

The next couple of days are supposed to be a lot cooler with potentially heavy rains. So it does not make a lot of sense to mow when it is just going to grow back faster. So I can put that off until probably mid-week next week.

I do have some serious obligations to finish... several books I have been reading that I need to finish so that I can begin my Fall/Winter goal of finally reading Proust. And there is Rings of Power on Prime that I need to re-watch from the beginning in a marathon binge to see if I can find all the breadcrumbs that were dropped during the regular season. And there is the amazing Interview With The Vampire on AMC that is proving to be a really well made show. And, they are also going to be doing The Mayfair Witches next year. I may just have to subscribe to AMC+ to guarante I don't miss any of those.

You might have noticed in the above that I am a satisfy your mind through your eyes (reading and watching) junky so it is even more obvious why a problem with my eyes yesterday was not only painful but frightening to me.

When I was young I held the belief that I was not going to live past 30 so I crammed in as much life in as I could. But, when I had my 30th birthday things changed and now here I am 74 years old and still going. Now my fears are that I will loose my eyes and hearing and not be able to read, watch things or hear music.

So, take good care of yourselves everyone. If you are younger than me don't follow my example unless you just want to live a long and happy life with a ton of memories to ride out your remaining days on.