This week will be spent packing and sorting and getting things in order for my move on Dec. 3rd. I am happy to let you know that both Duke and Sara have new homes they will be going to, the chickens and ducks are moving to a  farm that free ranges and has a pond, the cat is moving up the road with my nearest neighbor out here. Everything I want to take will be taken and everything else is going to a second hand store in Abilene whos owner is helping me move and whos family has adopted be as their surrogate Grandfather...oh, and they are the ones who are adopting Duke and Sara as well.

But my internet access will be terminated on the 28th, this coming Monday so I am posting the following image as a reminder. Hopefully I will be back online shortly after the 3rd of Dec. and until then I will miss you all.

I am going to cross post this to my Facebook page as well.

Until we meet again....

 This is my Thanksgiving post of sorts. I say of sorts because I am hoping the level of gratitude, the overwhelming feeling of peace, the unexplainable since of family and community that I feel today (and for the last day or two) will continue throughout the year, next year, and the rest of my life.

I have moved from a state of fear over what my future may hold to a welcome feeling of safety and security, peace of mind and acceptance of things, a new willingness to downsize my life and move forward into what promises to be a great adventure. And, I am happy and find myself smiling a lot these days.

Maybe it is the fact that so much of the turmoil has settled, maybe it is the holiday movies I have been watching on Hallmark and Lifetime, maybe it is the fact that so many strangers have not only stepped up to help me in this time but have actually embraced me as a new member of their family.

Not a bad place to be for an old man who though he was going to be alone for the rest of his life and a welcome and brighter vision of my future.

The the little old man that lives up the lane is going to be all moved by December the 3rd, have new digs and new friends and new family and continue the journey down this path in front of me with excitement instead of fear and trepidation.

On that note I extend to each and every one of you a sincere wish for a Happy Thanksgiving. If you will be with your family, your extended family/friends or even on your own and alone. Know that you are all a part of my virtual family and that you are loved in that way that only virtual love can develop. Eat more than you want or need, love on those around you and be at peace for at least one day of the year. Try, if you can, to carry that feeling for the rest of you life.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ONE AND ALL

 As you can see I have made a few changes to the blog appearance. Thought that as I enter this new part of my life journey that I should make my blog a part of all that. The content is the same but the background has changed and I added a note at the top under the title.

Don't know if I want to keep the brown background, I will give it a try, let me know what you think. I am open to making it lighter. I also updated my profile information.

Now another day of lots more to do then I will accomplish, but I am making every effort. Supposed to be in the low 60's today...we can only hope.

Edit 5 minutes later. The brown was just too dark. I do like the book background in this one and think it is easier to read.

 Spent the day changing address on all my online accounts, dealing with a minor identity hack that required me to cancel my debit card and get a new one with a new number, taking care (I hope) of all the pharmacy stuff and doing paperwork for the new doctor and personal information for the new home.

All in all I feel like I got a lot done even if I did not pack a single speck of dust. And, most important, I know now that Duke and Sara are going to have nice new homes with people that love them and that I will be able to visit with them in the future if it will not cause them any problems.

Now a dinner being planned of beef lomein so that I can begin to get rid of everything in the fridge before the move.

Day started off with a cold wet dense fog and is ending with a pretty nice 56 degrees, no wind and bright sunshine.

And, I have a couple of recorded holiday romcoms to watch so my evening will be ending on a love filled, sugary note. What a day.

 As you are probably aware 48 hours or so ago I was in an emotional tailspin. I had to face major changes in my life and had no idea how I was going to ever do it. Well, over the weekend I found and secured a new place to live where I will feel safe and secure and have some really nice people around. In addition it is in Abilene where all my doctors are and my church is. So there is that.

Then I had to start dealing with how I was going to move and get rid of things I could not take. One of the other residents where I am moving told a friend of his about me, his friend owns a second hand furniture store and runs a charity providing clothing and household items to folks in need. He came out this morning with his sister to see what I had that he might make use of. In the process of our visit he said he would be happy to move me and my belongings to the new place. Then we visited some more, talked about what was happening and how the hardest thing was that I might actually have to put down Duke and Sara since they were older and I was having no luck rehoming them. He asked if Duke would bite if he went out to see him. I told him no and he went out on the porch, Duke came up to him and it was love at first site. So, long story short, not only is he going to take all the stuff I have to leave behind. But, he is going to help move me to my new home and he will be the new daddy to duke...and his sister is going to take Sara.

So, burdens lifted, life has done a complete turn around and I feel good about the move.  I still have to go through a bunch of papers to get rid of and decide which of my books to keep. But, that is the down side of this journey.

So in 12 days I will be moved and in my new home. I will have access to internet in the new place on their residential system for free until I get my own installed.

Like so many times in the past I am taken care of by just doing the legwork and letting the heavy lifting be taken care of by someone with better skills than me.

 Like it or not everyone prays. Some to a god of their choice, some with positive thoughts, some even dance naked in the moonlight. However you do it can you all join me in praying for an early and mild spring and even before that a unseasonable and mild heat wave.

For those that might really like this cold weather, well I just hope that we all outnumber you.

 What a day it has been. It started out with tears and fears and feeling very much like a "beggars can't be choosers" kind of person. But it has ended up on the up side with me feeling a much higher level of peace than I have felt in a long time.

Between now and the first week of December I will be moving from our farm to a very small apartment in an independant living facility in Abilene. It is pretty expensive but I can afford it and it includes everything including meals, cleaning service, the even change the sheets on the bed.

My mother actually lived there for several years before she died back in 2019 and I walked in and the lady at the front desk said..."Jon we havn't seen you in years how have you been?" it is that sort of place. By the time we left I already had made 3 friends...older men on their own like I will be...and was put in contact with a man who is coming on Monday to identify all the furniture and small kitchen appliances, etc. that he can either sell or give away to people in need.

One possible problem is that in the transition I may not have internet service for a month or two so I may not be able to do what I do online except by my phone. So, if you do not hear from me or read something new here do not worry, it is just a transition period and will come to an end and I will be back in all my glory!!!

I do have to find homes for my two larger dogs but Timmy, my terrier, can stay with me and that will be a blessing. Now begins the task of identifying what I can take with me and getting rid of all the stuff I can't.

Please stick with me through all this, don't give up on me. I really appreciate you all and your comments and expressions of good wishes.

I never thought I would be starting an entirely new life journey at this point in my life but such it is and so be it.

Later everyone, stay warm and happy and full of peace.

 First, let me say I am sorry for "dumping" this posting on all of you, feel free to just pass it by.

I have been up all night worrying and crying and feeling not at all good about my life and how things seem to be shifting totally out of my control. The doctor yesterday has pretty much narrowed things down to a probable pinched nerve in my neck that, combined with an arthritis flare up is what is going on. He is ordering an MRI which I will have to go to Abilene to have done when they schedule it. What the outcome of those results will be, your guess is as good as mine which is not all that good at this point. In addition to that he says I have something commonly called drop foot on my right leg. Something about nerves being damaged and causing me to have trouble walking with any balance. Perhaps associated with the pinched nerve, perhaps related to a family history on my fathers side of Parkinsons, perhaps just a continuation of the Diabetic Neuropathy that I have in both legs. God only knows and so far He has not seen fit to share that information with me.

At the end of our visit he made it pretty clear to me that I am rapidly reaching the point that I will no longer be able to live alone way out here in the country trying to hold together a huge house and do what needs doing to take care of a small farm. So I have to now really concentrate on making a move to Abilene where I will be closer to people and the doctors that I see. And, since he is leaving Coleman at the end of the month, he is encouraging me to locate a doctor in Abilene to be my primary care doctor.

Of course this is not all that simple to do. It means that I will have to get rid of both Duke and Sara which breaks my heart. I should be able to keep Timmy since he is a small dog and will meet pet standards just about any place.

And I have not got a penny to my name which means that one more time I will have to turn to my Cousin and his wife for help. I am 74 years old and having to lean on other people just to survive does not set well with me. If Robert were still alive none of this would be an issue. But the universe has seen fit to toss me to the ground yet one more time...can you tell that I am on a bit of a pitty pot this morning.

As difficult as all the above is going to be I do see the need for it and will do what I can to adjust. But even more difficult is the thought of leaving the home that Robert and I tried so hard to put together. To say that I feel like an absolute failure is putting it mildly. If there was a way that I could just join Robert without causing harm or saddness I would in a heartbeat. But, I also have a pretty strong belief in an old Asian philosophy that says that if a person chooses to end their life they will have to come back and live it again and again until they get it right. And, I can not even think about that. So, the world is stuck with me and I with it no matter the cards that are being dealt.

I do not want any sympathy but any and all good wishes will be welcome and appreciated. 

Now I have to begin the process of figuring out how to consolidate a lifetime of belongings and the contents of a three bedroom house into a one bedroom apartment if I can even find one that I can afford.

 As many of you know I managed to lock myself out of Facebook for 60 days. I went online this morning and deleted my Instagram account without knowing that it was linked to my Facebook account which locked me out of Facebook. I did find a hack around it but it involves my having to change the login credentials and that would mean having to let all my friends know the change. Best left along for two months and go through the withdrawal that will involve. So, if you try to connect to me on Facebook and see the following, fear not, I am still alive and kicking and will return in Jan. of 2023.

Now, after last nights Earth shattering announcement (just kidding) that the mighty orange one is going to run for President again...while many of the folks in attendance tried to run for the exits but were blocked and held as a captive audiance by the security guards...well, what can I say except that the definition of crazy is to keep trying to do the same thing over and over again only to find the results are the same.

Tomorrow I go to the doctor and I am sure he will do some medical magic that will heal me of my arthritis pain and leave me feeling like a 17 year old. Which will be great for me but not so good for the rest of the world if I am the same 17 year old that I once was. I did a lot of really not nice things, had a wonderful life, managed to survive without ending up in prison or six feet under, managed to eventually settle into a "normal" life, find the love of my life and end up where I am today.

Maybe not what I had planned but not a bad life and I have so many memories that keep me happy and warm and feeling loved. What more could the crooked old man that lives up the lane want.

 It has been a bright sunny and cold blustery wind sort of day all day and I will be glad when it is time to put the birds up for the night, feed the cat that lives in our garage and shut the house down for the evening. Pain is constant but I can endure. Looking forward to the doctor on Thursday, hope he will have somehing that will lessen the pain and not destroy any of my internal organs.

O.K. Here we go. This is a recommendation for a mini-series on Prime and it is meant with all sincerity. The show is The English it is a western, it is a love story, it is violent without being gory. And, it is probably a better representation of what life was like in the 1890 America and England than anything we were ever taught in history classes in school. It is very, very well written, acted with the skill you always want but seldom see, and the score is so beautiful I hope the release it on a CD or downloadable format soon. It is all in all an outstanding visual and audio experience that I can not recommend highly enough.

I am thinking that I might start copying these blog posting to my Facebook page now and then. So, if you visit both do not be surprised to see the same content in both on occassion.

Now I will begin the process of shutting down the universe that resides in my little corner of paradise. Have a really blessed and peaceful night everyone of you.

 Another blog that I keep up with called Going Gently (https://disasterfilm.blogspot.com/) recently mentioned a show on Prime that I started watching and am now bingeing. Titled The English it is a western like none I have ever seen before and I highly recommend it. 

I have started doing TENS on my aching joint and neck and it does seem to help some. Still a lot of pain which is something I am beginning to believe that I will just have to learn to live with. There is a shoulder brace on order for me and I do have another appointment with the doctor this Thursday. I currently have limited mobility in my right arm and can not raise my head up to see in higher shelves or to shave my neck below my beard without a lot of pain. Arthritis strength Tylenol seems to help more than any of the prescription drugs that I have been given. The only thing that really worked (if only for a few hours) was the shot they gave me in the ER and which I am sure if i asked for another one I would end up on some sort of drug registry somewhere.

Now though I have to venture out to get dog food and bird feed (why is one food and the other feed?) some Aspercream (which sooths even though it does not stop the pain) and a few things at the market. It is cold, drizzly and foggy and as if driving did not hurt enought the dampness will make things all the more difficult.

I hope it is nicer weather where you may be and that you are all staying warm and dry and happy.

Today is the anniversary of the day Robert and I met. It proved to be the beginning of the greatest love anyone could ever imagine. So today I wish Robert a Happy Anniversary. We met and I thought I would spend the rest of my life with you. As it turned out you spent ther rest of your life with me. I miss you more than anyone can ever know. I loved you then, I love you now and I will love you for eternity.

Robert Moran 1954 - 2021

 Well I was going to man up and mow the yard today no matter how much it hurt. But our high temp of 54 degrees was shortly after midnight and the daytime high is expected to only be in the 40's with chill factors in the 30's and tonight it is predicted to get below freezing for the first time this year. So, grass gets a reprieve. Maybe it will just freeze solid and I can go out and just break it off. One has eternal hope.

So the only real thing I have to take care of today is manage to drive in to town this afternoon to pick up my Trulicity prescription at the pharmacy and a few things at the grocery store. Think I might need to get some comfort food just don't know what I want or will want over the next few days.

For those interested this is early in the season for us to go below freezing. Usually our real winter starts in Jan. and runs through March. But they (the weather pundits) have been predicting that we will have yet another really severe winter. Two years ago (the big freeze that saw so many deaths) it got in the 20's with overnights below zero for 10 days or so. Power outages and all that mess. Last year it was a regular occurance for temps to drop below freezing for weeks at a time. And now this. It is no wonder that my arthritis is peaking.

So I will spend the next few months doing what I do best which is avoiding doing anything that does not absolutely have to be done. Multiple layers of clothing. Lots of reading and hopefully some good movies on television (I have Prime, Vudu, and the free streaming channels plus hundreds of channels on Dish to choose from). I may even begin to write that book I have been going to write for so many years.

Some of you have been having your Indian Summer. Enjoy it while you have it. Your winter will come in time. The rest of you...just enjoy waking up on this side of the grass today and treat yourselves to the best life possible.

I am editing this post to add...the powers that be have just issued a freeze warning for tonight...oh joy!!!

In spite of all the physical pain I am feeling right now I do find that I love being happy, I love feeling good, I love happy endings. So, I have been bingeing holiday movies on both Lifetime and the Hallmark channel. Yes I have been exposed to so much sweetness that I am surprised that I am not in a Diabetic coma. And, I have the DVR set to record even more of them over the next few days.

So, with that said I am wishing you all a happy holiday season with lots of love and hugs and enough good feelings to last a lifetime.

I have made it through today with the help of Tylenol with Codeine. It helps, I still have enough pain for ten people but at least I am not screeming. I got another apointment with the Doctor but he can't see me until a week from today. Cross your fingers that I make it that long.

 I can not put into words what I am feeling right now. The mid-terms are over, votes are still being counted and, at this point, it looks as if the country will survive but still be a not really comfortable place to live.  A few Republican seats have been flipped, The PA. Senate race is a bright light on the horizon, and my beloved home state of Texas will remain the political cess pool that we have had for the past 8 years.

In two more years we will have the General Election in which we will select who will be our President for the coming four years. Let me just say that I am a hard core Democrat, just to get that out of the way up front. Now, my party, the Democratic Party, needs to take a good look at itself. My dream ticket for the 2024 election would be Mayor Pete for President and Stacey Abrams for Vice President.

I do not have any real problem with Biden but he will be over 80 years old in 2024 and, as a 74 year old man myself, I really think it is time for the Democratic Party to reach out and embrace with more enthuasium a younger ticket across the board.

As for the Republicans, they are facing another outing with 45 who has all but officially announced he will be a candidate and is already threatening to spill the beans on his most likely rival, the Gov. of Florida. So a continuing shit-show for those folks and potentially for the country.

Enought politics for now. My pain is still there. It seems to be trying to be kinder to me, but it still hurts like Hell at times. The test they did really just confirmed that every joint in my body is arthritic and my right sholder is a particularly arthritic zone that has decided to flare up for no real reason other than changes in the weather. That does not portend well for me when we get into the real Winter months for us which are Jan., Feb., and Mar.

 Cold and damp here this morning which does not make my sholder/neck pain any better. I do have an appointment with my doctor in a couple of hours and only hope and pray that there is someting they can do about the pain while they determine my best course of action.

I did end up in the emergency room last Thursday and got a diagnosis of severe arthritic detereation of my right sholder. The only thing about that is that it is a diagnosis of continued pain, sometime better and sometimes worse and one of those "you just have to learn to live with it" things.

So, I welcome your best wishes and prayers if you are so inclined.

 Seems as if the muscle relaxer works but now I can feel the pain in my sholder joint which seems to radiate into my neck and arm. I have a follow up appt. with the doctor on Monday a.m. Just hope there is a non-surgical soloution to all this. That soloution may end up being that I just have to learn to live with it.

Flexeril (the muscle relaxer) really knocks me into a goofy sort of drunken staggering zone of some sorts. There is no way I could drive. I was just barely able to stagger out to let the birds out this a.m. and feed them.

And, sleeping, I have to prop myself up just to lessen the pain to the point I can doze off until I move and the jolt of pain wakes me up.

So, there you hvae it. Just the old man at the end of the lane falling apart joint by joint.

Now, the weather here was 34 degrees when I got up so had to turn the heat on. As soon as I did that i felt my wallet cringe. My heat is electric and the last couple of winters was running at about 400 bucks a month. It is this season that makes me wish I lived in a much smaller house.

Stay warm and healthy everyone.

 Managed to make it to my AA meeting and on the way home the sholder pain was so bad I was actually crying over it. Not tears and sobs just massive amounts of water coming from my eyes. So, I pulled over and called my doctors office and, of course, they could not fit me in until Monday. I don't think i could have made it that long so I went to the ER and the new hospital in Coleman.

Turns out that my arthritis, which was located just in both sholder joints, had decided to reach out and join forces. I have arthritis all across my upper back including the cervical spine. So they gave me a steroid shot and some Flexeril and within 30 minutes I felt better. Still some pain but managable. Now I have to figure out what to do about the arthritis. Not much I don't think except pain killers. Guess it is time to hit Google and see what the Mayo clinic has to say.

Just nice to be able to move again without a bunch of pain.

 I took the muscle relaxer and threw it right back up within half an hour. So much for that. This morning I took 700mg of Tylenol and rubbed some Awsome Sauce (CBD salve) on it. That has knocked out about 3/4 of the pain so I should be able to drive to Brownwood for their noon AA meeting. Looking forward to that as i have not been in almost a month and miss them all a lot.

OH!!!! And I won 8 dollars in the Power Ball lottery and another 2 in the Texas Lotto. So i won 10 bucks...no I did not. I got back the 10 bucks I had invested to begin with so I just broke even. Better than being the outright looser I usually am. Anyway, I am now obligated to reinvest my windfall in more Power Ball tickets.....1.5 Billion dollars....I think I might just be able to make ends meet with that.

Got to get myself in gear now so I can hit the road to Brownwood. I have to have the time to stop and trade my winners for a new batch of loosers. And, if I get there early enough I can splurge and have a bite to eat at What-A-Burger.

 Well the old man has some life in him yet. 

I know that because I have a pain in my right sholder, cold damp weather created a cramped muscle which will just not relax. So today I will do a muscle relaxer and hope it helps.

Funny how a pain, a stubbed toe or some such will bring you right back down to earth.

Now what have I been up to. Well, I made some sourdough bread which will be a part of this mornings breakfast. I finished all five books in the Eli and Max Mysteries and am just waiting for book six to come out sometime in the next month or so. And, I have read that there will be a book seven. So I have that to look forward to.

I bought my PowerBall ticket. If I win 1.2 Billion dollars I am not sure what I would do. I think I would go ahead and pay the mortgage on our house so I can get the deed changed to my name and then spend a lot of money fixing it up. It is, afterall, the home that Robert and I put together and I would keep it just because of that. I would still probably move in to Abilene or Brownwood. Abilene because that is where my doctors are as well as my church. Brownwood because I have made so many friends in AA there and it would be nice to be near them in the real world and not just AA meetings.

Of course I suppose I would be able to afford a nice place with room to have a staff and a driver/companion and just travel back and forth between the three places. I would like a nice couple to cook, clean and take care of the yards. Then the companion would have to be a good and responsible driver, someone who I could trust and talk to and, since I would have a billion dollars in the bank, someone who could serve as my bodyguard. Oh, the fantasies we can indulge in when we secretly know they will never come true.

Right now I would be more than happy with around 100K. I could pay off the mortgage and spend a bunch making this place whole again.

Facebook has become an integral connection to the world beyond Moran-Newman Farms (that is what we call this place). I never even used Facebook before Robert died. Then I started using it just to have a sensation of connection with the "real" world. Over the past couple of years I have actually made friends on Facebook that I will never meet face-to-face but that are as much friends as they would be if they were neighbors. And there are even a couple of men that I have communicated with that could become involvements if we do ever meet. Yes Robert was, is and will always be the love of my life and I still, and will continue to keep my wedding ring on and know that he was and will always be my husband. But it would be nice to have someone to hug and be hugged by. Someone to lay my head in their lap watching television or share the experience of reading and talking about a book with.

I am, afterall, 74 years old and do not delude myself by trying to believe that the Gay community that I am a part of is not very age aware. I am not and have never been interested in young men. Most of the men that I might even remotely be interested in are older (yet still young enough to be my child) and they tend to be not interested in someone my age.

So, yet one more card I have been dealt. The good fortune to outlive my desirability. I have memories of the 28 inch waist I once had and that is now long gone. I remember having hair that reached almost to the middle of my back and being able to just smile or make eye contact across a room or a bar and magic would happen. I even actually earned my way through life with my looks until I decided that there had to be more to everything than sex at about the age of 25 and actually started living a "normal" life with a job and all the responsibilities that came with that. Even though I continued to be a raging yet functioning alcoholic until I turned 32 and got sober. And, in the five years or so of "responsible" living I met the man that I would love for the rest of my life.

I look back on things now and, even though some of my past was a bit iffy, am well aware of how lucky I have been. I have loved and been loved. I have had great health and good times. I have been desired by and desired some of the most amazing men who propriety demands remain unnamed. I have been happy and laughed until I cried. And, I have had great saddness where the tears seemed like they would never stop.

How could I not be greatful for the life that I have been given and continue to live even if there are times that I think otherwise?

And so, today I am aware that the old man has some life in him yet. The aches and pains I feel on occassion, the thinning hair and receeding hair line, the larger than 28 inch waist, the failing vision, the forgetful moments are all not only part of growing older but the price we all have to pay for the youth we lived.

Now I am beginning to feel the urge to tell my story but I have babbled on enough for one posting. So, in the near future I think I may begin posting how I came to be who I am today.

I hope you all have a great day, the weather here is supposed to be really nice for the next few days. I hope the pain in my sholder passes soon, it would be nice to be able to turn my head from side to side without wincing. The time changes this coming Sunday and the election (mid-terms) is this coming Tuesday and we will find out if our world is going to radically change or begin the process of healing from the past few years of turmoil.