I admit that I am completely smitten by my South American gentleman. He is handsome to the point of being beautiful. He has the most seductive eyes ever placed in a human head. And, beyond all that he is a kind and compassionate soul. I believe him without question when he says that I am special to him, that I brighten his days the way he does mine. Yes, I am a romantic and my dreams keep me going when all else seems to have left me. We have moved from that simple comment stage to actually having conversations with substance. And, while we will probably never actually meet face to face I have the dream that if and when we do he will not be surprised at the site of this old man who uses a cane most of the time for balance, shaves his head and is on the precipice of loving someone with a love that can never exist in this world.

I had that great love once with My Robert, and still have it in my heart and soul. And it is pretty unlikely that the universe will be so gracious as to allow me another.

But dreams can provide a unique reality. And for me dreams are all that are left I think. So, I dream and hope and someday may even write a novel about two souls drawn together by love but kept apart until one of them is finally able to come to the other only to be able to visit the grave where their love is buried. I will dedicate the novel to him in Colombian Spanish of course. And our love will have a permanence that is so often held only in our memories and, of course, our dreams.

The new insulin dosages may be working. My glucose numbers dropped from over 400 to 90 in less than 24 hours and seem to be stabilizing to a more normal range for a person my age. It is still too early to predict but my hope grows.

It is interesting how dreams and hope and slowly walking into some unknown future are suddenly so much a part of who I am. And my past is so much a guiding part of what my future may hold.

I miss My Robert so much that when I think of him or look at his picture hanging on the wall my chest tightens in its resistance to just bursting out in tears. I live with my very best friend and only real love, Timmy my dog, who if something were to happen to I seriously doubt that I would have the will to go on alone. And yet I continue to hold on to those dreams of a life that, in reality, can never exist.

So this pathetically sad and lonely old man wishes only the best that life can offer to all of you who I also will never meet but have developed a true and honest love for. Until next time I send you all virtual hugs and only dream of being able to give you all a real hug some day.