Since I sometimes refer to "my tiny little apartment at the home" I thought it might be time to welcome you to my home and give you a tour so that you can see what I am talking about. (Note, this turned out to be a long post because of all the pictures, sorry)

This is the entrance to my "home":

And this is our interior courtyard, the window to the left of the french doors is my window on the world. The french door are the entry to the Library:

The building is actually just an apartment building for elderly people. It is not a nursing home, we have no health care professionals on staff though several residents pay for outside home health attendents. One older retired Doctor who is confined in a wheel chair has a male health care worker who is quite the cutie. He comes in early in the a.m., gets the doctor out of bed and puts him in a special chair in the shower (all the apartments have large bathrooms with large walk in showers). The he puts on a bathing suit, gets in the shower with the doctor and gets him cleaned and ready to start his day. He then dresses the doctor and himself and spends the entire day with him. I am sure his services are not cheap. But that is the sort of care some of the residents have if they have the money.

If he was taking care of me he would not need the bathing suit to give me a shower!!!

We are not like a standard apartment building in that we have a dining room/restaurant where we can get snacks, etc and where they serve three meals a day all included in the price of rent we pay.

You enter our building and sign in ot our front desk which is attended 24/7 year round for the security of all who live here. In additions they have us sign in and out if we are leaving the building. This is so that at the end of the day if someone has not signed back in and did not sign out as being with a relative or care giver they begin a process to locate that person which can go all the way to and elder alert being broadcast and police involveent. This is because so many of our residents tend to forget where they are or where they live and just begin to muddle about.

Now you would next enter my tiny little 385 sq ft apartent which is smaller than my bedroom on the farm. But it is nice, I have a cleaning lady that comes once a week that Timmy has finally stopped growling at. All my utilities are paid including Extended Cable Television and high speed internet services with my own unique network identifiers so that no one can "spy" on another residents use of the intrenet. So I can view all the naked men I want without upseting some 90 year old lady that is just pokeing around on her computer.

You would enter my little apartment and if you stood in the center of the room and just turned in a circle this is what you would see. First my "study":

Then turning you would see my "music room" and "living/bedroom":

Turn a little more and you are in my "kitchen":

Sorry for the mess but I had just done my dishes. Next, as you turn you are face to face with my "media room" which has a 70 inch television which gives the space the feeling of a small movie theatre:

Oh, and that is my printer on the right which connects us back to my study.

Now this tiny little 385 sq ft apartment is where I moved from our farm which had a 3000 sq foot 110 year old house on 4 acres and where we had chickens and ducks and geese. Now for a bit of a trip down memory lane. First our house in the country:

This is where My Robert and I lived when we finally were able to get married after more than 40 years together. Here is an emotional to me picture of our wedding (I have to pause a little and have a good cry):

We were married in a MCC church with an overweight Lesbian minister and it was one of the most important and wonderful days of my life. We lived on the farm with our beast (chickens, ducks, dogs and geese). Here is Robert herding chickens that got into the back yard when I left the gate open;

This is our front yard:

My Robert was so proud of his efforts to cut wood for our winters:

And wood we needed for the fireplace because our winters did get cold and beautiful:

So, there you have it. From 3000 sp ft to 385 sq ft. My life has changed over the past few years. With the death of My Robert, my literally falling apart physically because I did not now how to mourn his death all leading to my need for the life I lead today.

Yes, I am alone and sometimes lonely but I am happy in my little space (yes Lurkie I am trying to convince myself of this as much as it is also true). It is not anything near what I had visioned my retirement to be like but it is what it is and I am satisfied with it. I have access to all the professional care I need in order to repair the broken me which is my primary goal. I know I will never have what I had but life is sort of funny. Maybe, just maybe, I am on a journey to something new and wonderful. That is my hope and dream. I know that it can never be as wonderful as the life I had with My Robert; but if I just live here for the next 10 or 20 years I will be satisfied because my life is good and I will be able to die in peace. I have a few friends and I have you who read this pathetic blog about a silly old man trying to live the best life he can.

Now, enough of all this and on to the day. Yesterday was 106 with and heat index of 112 and today, and this entire week, is supposed to be hotter then the hell that Texas can be on a good day. You all have a great day and stay cool. Love you all...really I do.