I got up and checked and I still have two feet and ten toes which is a good thing. So I don't have to go back to the foot doctor for three months. And, I just got on the scale and I am at 179.4 pounds. I have been shooting for 180 after a hight of 210 so I seem to have exceeded my goal. I have had to buy a couple of pair of smaller jeans which I don't mind. But,  I think I may need to stabalize the weight now. Don't want to just blow away in the West Texas wind.

I have also indulged myself with the purchase of a nice old looking CD player. Plain wood cabinet with CD drawer, FM radio and all the USB ports you could hope for on such a devide. Also, I bought a bunch of Classical CD's. I got tired of having the TV on the music channel all day and, though I have a bunch of mp3's on my computer I really don't like playing them while I compute.

Weather here, as I said before, is headed into the 90's the next few days but will drop into the 60's again on Wednesday and stay there until the next weekend when it will go back into the high 80's and low 90's. So mother nature seems to be trying to get her act together. I hope she finishes soon as I am ready to start complaining about the heat.

Now, enough about me. What about you. Is everyone happy, healthy and wise? Sure hope so.

 I have been up pretty much all night. For some reason I just could not get to sleep. I did doze a few times only to wake up suddenly from an awful dream that I could not remember, only that it was something horrible. So tired today but no more that a short nap maybe this a.m.

This afternoon I finally have my appointment with the foot doctor. It was originally set for last Tuesday at 2 p.m. but at about 12:15 they called and rescheduled for today. Must have been a good day for golf.

So I fixed breakfast in this morning and am now just waiting for it to get light enough to take Timmy out. I don't like to take him out in the dark because I can't see where he does his do in the dark.

Now off to my day. Have a great one all. Oh, and by the way, our forecast for Sunday and Monday has hight temps in the 90's. What is this old world coming to?

 A memory.

Years ago I was flying into Los Angeles. It was late at night and there had be rain that day in L.A. The air had been washed clean of all the smog and dust. As the plane was landing I looked out the window and it struck me that L.A. at night and all lit up was like some huge rinestone broach that was worn by a madam in a whore house pinned right between her breast. I was listening to the Barber Adagio on the head phones and the pilot must have been listening to the same music because he circled the airport and landed in time with the music. The wheels of the plane touched down at the exact moment of the peek of the Adagio.

It was the most wonderful flight I ever had.

So, what have I done so far this morning. Well, I put together a play list of nothing but Adagios and that is the state of my mind today.

 After my excessivly long post on Sunday I thought just a little status report for today.

The weather is getting nicer and nicer each day. The roses are all budded out, Timmy has been diligent in his efforts to keep them watered. Sun is shining each day and once the wind dies down it is usually very nice.

I have an appointment with my foot doctor this afternoon. I am sure all will be o.k.

Otherwise just another day in the life of the crooked old man who lives up the lane.

Have a great day everyone.

 Lurkie posted a blog posting recently that sent me down memory lane. It had to do with being poor (living with financial anxiety). As you have read before here my parents divorced when I was about three years old. My mother took me and my sister (who was 18 months older) to California to live with her parents while she tried to build a new life for us. 

At first I think, based on what few memories I have of those days, things went alright. But then, as all adults do, my mother struck out on her own. Our first house was a rental in San Jose that the previous tenents had pretty much trashed. The deal was we would get a few months free rent in exchange for cleaning and painting and making the yard look like a yard again.

The house was just down the street and across a blvd. from the school I was to attend the 1st through 3rd grades in. My mother eventually got a job as a sect. receptionist for an accountant with offices right across the street from the school. I suspect that it paid just enough for us to get by.

My sister, who had been born in convulsions and had uncontrolled epilepsy her entire life was in what today would be considered special education classes. One day, after a seizure, she was acting out and the school called my mother telling her she would need to come get my sister and take her home. I know from conversations I overheard later that she was told by her boss that if she left she would not have a job when she came back.

Thus began what was pretty much a hand to mouth existence for us until I left home at 17 which I have written about here in the past.

Time passed and we eventually ended up back in Texas. First a year back in Abilene then for the rest of the time, until 2006, in Austin. All part of a deal that my mother made with my father if he would get us to Virgina where the Epilepsy Foundation was located then he could have possession of me for the summers. I say possession because that is what it was.

At first, in Austin, we lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment above a garage. I remember it because it had a gas refrigerator (yes they had such a thing at one time) and the pilot would keep going out and what little we had in it would spoil in the Texas heat.

But it was near a city pool and a library and a couple of museums and I was in most ways happy. My mother was however having to work two full time jobs just to make ends meet. Primarily because, in those days, there was no assistance for pretty much anyone, much less a woman on her own with two children one of who was sick and in constant need of medical care and very expensive medications.

We would have to move pretty much every six months because the rent would go up and we would have to find another place we could afford.

Eventually my sister ended up in a State Hospital but my mother still had to pay the state for her care and medicine.

I remember, during this time, there were times when we might have one can of Campbells soup or a tin of Spam left to eat. We would dilute the soup so that it would last the 3 or 4 days until my mother would get paid at which point we would splurge and get a loaf of cheap white bread to have Spam sandwiches. Often, in the evening, my mother and I would go for walks around the neighborhood and pick up Pecans that had dropped to the ground to supplement our always empty pantry.

I can look back now and see why I, as an adult, always had enough food in the house to feed ten people at least. I would buy food, then pay rent/mortgage, then car payment, the bills. Those were my financial priorities.

My sister died at the age of 32 when she had been hospitalized for a change to her medication, had a seizure while sleeping and suffocated in her pillow. Until her dying days my mother carried that as a burden believing that if she had not had to work two jobs then she would have been with her and it would never have happened.

I could go on and on about things and times and events, many of which are written about in past postings to this blog. But sitting here, soon to turn 75 years old, I can look back and see that with all the horrible times there were more happy times. Times that I experienced the miracle of a book that would take me to a place of peace and tranquility. Times that I could manage to get an after school job and feel like I was contributing to the life we lived. Never did I feel that our life was bad or in some way aberated. But only that it was the only life style I had ever had so it was my normal.

I can look back and honestly say that I regret absolutely nothing in the 70+ years I have been alive. I can see how it made me the person that I am today and built within me some sort of strength to survive no matter the obsticles.

And, I can honestly say that today I am happy. Sure I would be happier if My Robert had not died two years ago and we were still living on our little farm with all our dogs and chickens, ducks and geese. But that is not the direction my life had taken.

Today I live the best life I can. I am able to save up the money for some much needed dental work. I have a good retirement plan with health benefits. I am alone but not lonely most of the time. I have a dog that thinks I hung the moon and the stars. And, in many ways most importantly to me, I have a community of friends that I have met/made online here in this blog and on Facebook that, though we may never meet, give me comfort just knowing that they are there.

So, each of you, don't dwell on the past but know that it is a part of who you are today. And, in my opinion, even if we all are sort of opinionated and often crumudgeonly at times, you are all the most beautiful people on earth...to me.

 Got the results from my lung scan and I am going to live. There are two nodules. One has evidently been there for a while and has not changed so they say there is nothing to worry about with it. The other is new and just a smidge larger but does not at this time worry them. They say I will need to get the lung scan at least yearly for a while.

And, there is some arterial calcification that is new but they will probably just shove another stent in and that will be fixed.

I do still have the pain in my right shoulder but am adopting the attitude of an old dog and just trying to ignore the pain as much as I can until someone takes pity on me and does something. The new pain manegement doctor still has not responded to the referral and may not for a while. Evidently he is a very busy man.

We had some storms last night but not as bad as they had predicted. Most of the bad part passed us to the south and east. Today is supposed to be pretty windy though. But this is West Central Texas and we are famous for our winds.

Old Lurker posted a really good piece on his blog about Libraries today and, if you don't read him regularly I encourage you not to miss this one. It brought back to my mind the old movie with Bette Davis from 1956 so I looked to see where I could stream it. Well it is on Amazon Prime but not available in my area (don't know why not...perhaps our current political climate) and it is available on a streaming service called Fubi but they cost 75 bucks a month. I did finally find a copy on Youtube and watched it there for free with commercials. I had forgotten what an impactful film it was back in those days. It has a really tragic ending but more interesting is a scene where Davis is slapping around a kid which would never have been allowed in a make of the same film today.

I encourage you to watch it if you can. If nothing else watch the short clip on Youtube titled Storm Center One Book. Not only was this a moving movie at the time but is even more so in todays book burning and banning climate here in the southern part of he country.

Now I have to get busy. It is that day that happens twice a month when the cleaning lady comes to do my apartment and I have to clean this place up before she gets here.

Have a great day all.

 Just a bit of a ramble today.

Only thing on my calendar for today is a chest/lung scan at 3 this afternoon. I smoked for over 55 years and quit last December. This is some sort of scan they do on long term smokers who have quit to identify anything that may have happened. My annual chest xrays always come back clean so I am not anticipating anything out of the ordinary. But, just the process is a bit spooky. That something may have happened after quiting.

Other than that I am just taking it easy today. The weather is getting better, maybe we will finally move into Spring. One can always hope. I think it is coming close because I have been having cravings for watermellon and ice cream. I doubt that they are pregancy cravings.

High today in the mid to upper 50's and going up each day for at least a week. I have to get out my walking shoes. A nice walk with Timmy on a Spring day in the sun is always the best thing.

 Well, from near 80 degrees yesterday to 38 degrees this morning. High today in the low 50's if we are lucky. Just when you thought it was safe to put away the heavy winter coat...

Today I have no appointments, no plans, just a lot of time to indulge myself. Wish there were some other younger (under 90) residents here to hang out with. But as it is there are mainly just the old farts. Many of them are so conservative that they make even the harshest Republican seem like a Yellow Dog Democrat.

The other day I was invited by the lady (a resident) that takes care of our Library to assist her in maintaining it since it is right next to where I live. At first I thought that would be a fun pass time as I am infatuated with books...always have been. When I was a kid I could get a book from the Library to read when we usually did not have enough money for me to go to a movie. And the book lasted longer and took me to places I could only dream about.

Well, as she began to point out the contents of the Library I realized that it is made up primarily of Western Novels and Romance Novels. There is a little local history as well. In the process of chatting she mentioned how she really like the Romantic Comedies on television which seemed to be a interest we shared. But then she began to talk about how bad things were becomming with all the "Queer" men kissing one another and how the "Queer" people in Abilene were "trying to take over the city". I did not go off on her like I wanted to do but I did point out how she was a bigot and declined to help any more with the Library. Then went back to my apartment.

A few time since she has passed me in the dinning room and smiles and says hello. I am polite to her, I do have to live here after all and am in the minority, but I am not friendly and do not plan on being.

I fought all those battles back in the 60's, 70's and 80's and I am content resting now and letting the new and younger generation take over...though they seem to not be all that interested in fighting the good fight. Here in Abilene the Gay community has a lot of young folks involved but they defer to those others who are only a few years younger than I.

The pendulum swung our way for a long time, it now seems to be swinging back the other way. I have faith that it will eventually move in a more positive direction with time though I may not be around to see that happen.

It is just so tragic that people can not just recognize that we are all in this together and moving in the same direction eventually. Just leave one another alone if you do not agree with how they live and love. But the human race seems to be horribably flawed in that area.

 It is said that with age comes wisom. Well, I am not sure about that. But., I do know a little bit about life and, at least for me, with age has come a sort of acceptance and willingness to stay in the present. I know, without a doubt, that I am exactly who I am supposed to be and where I am supposed to be and doing what I am supposed to be doing at this point in my life.

It does strike me as odd though that now and then there is a sort of shadow dissatisfaction that seems to settle on me. The feeling that I could have become more or that I don't have enough money or close friends. But most of the time I am very aware that I have exactly what I need and a good part of what I want.

Usually that dissatisfaction is associated to living environments. I am very happy with my little apartment at "the home". But then I see some article with pictures of a beautiful large house with beautiful grounds and a pool and a 10 car garage. One of those houses that has so many bedrooms and bathrooms that to use them all you would have to sleep in a diffenent one every night and to use all the bathrooms would leave you dehydrated and weak.

Where is this going? I have no idea. It is just that this morning I read about the Jackie Kennedy-O house in D.C. for sale for a paultry 26+ million dollars (https://www.southernliving.com/jackie-kennedy-former-home-dc-3017-n-st-nw-7255324). Actually three houses in a row that were joined together into one massive mansion. And did I think "how could anyone want to live in that much space"? No, I thought how nice it would be to live in D.C. in that house with all the staff and all my friends living there as well.

Keep in mind that this "cottage" has just over 16K interior square feet with 13 bedrooms, 13 full faths and 5 half baths. Of course you would need that much space for the entire K and O clans to gather together for the holidays I suppose.

Anyway, that is where my brain has settled this morning. I have always said that if you are going to fantacize then do it on a big scale

Weather here is beginning to warm us again which I am greatful for. I finally have my dentist appt. this afternoon and I dread that. Not the dentist as much as what he will tell me I need to have done. I am really ready to just have them all pulled and get a nice white set of plastic choppers. 

 On this day, March 14, 2021 Robert Ruiz Moran died. He was the very core of my being and I miss him more than can be expressed. This is my post for today.

 

 Well we are on the down slope with out temps. High today only in the 60's after a wonderful 90 degree day yesterday. We will have pretty much daily ups and downs for a couple of weeks before finally resting into Spring...unless we end up with an early and really hot Summer. Got to love living in West Texas.

So last night, before going to bed, I reset all my clocks ahead an hour. But I forgot one. The clock in my brain. So I woke up at what my brain said was six a.m. and it was already seven. Not the way I like to start my day because the world is already in 7 a.m. mode and I have to try to catch up. They really need to either dump daylight savings time or make it permanent. One or the other. If for no other reason all the old folks out here that have really old brain clocks that can't be successfully reset.

The results is that I have not got my loaundry done, which I usually do early on Sunday's. And, if that is the worst part of this day I guess I should just be greatful.

 So it is supposed to be 88 degrees today. Then the last part of the roller coaster...the little ups and downs...to finally settle into Spring weather.

Saturday is one of my 7 days of rest each week so I will only be doing what must be done. Things like feeding and walking Timmy, reading a book, watching a movie, that sort of busy work.

If I sometimes seem to be a bit flirtatious in the comments...well, it is real. One of the things about being a 74 year old Gay man is that you can get away with being a bit flirtatious and the worst thing that can happen to you is that you develop a reputation as a dirty old man. The best thing that can happen is, of course, that someone actually take you up on your flirt. Which will probably never happen. That is one of my goals. To be the dirtiest old man you ever met.

So, I don't apologize, I just hope that you enjoy the ride.

I did order a new desk chair. It is actually what they call a gaming chair. I am hoping it will help, or at least encourage, me to sit up straighter. I am determined to not actually be that crooked little man that lives up the lane. But, more and more, it seems that gravity has taken hold of my forehead and is pulling me down. Gravity has taken hold of other body parts and pulled them down and they are some of my favorite and more attractive parts. But I want to be an "upstanding" representation of older Gay men and not some bent over fool.

Now though, Timmy is fed and needs to go make room for more so off we go into this beautiful day. Have a great one all.

 O.K. a double post today.

I just finished streaming Mayfair Witches and it is actually pretty good with a nice setup for a second season.

Now, I got a text message from someone who shall go unnamed requesting that I send them a dick pic. So, putting all caution aside this is what I sent them...

Picture of a Dick

And a picture of a real honest to goodness dick headl...

Now that you are all worked up...go take a cold shower or a shot of good whisky.

Today turned out to be a bit warmer than predicted and it has heated up my little apartment to the point that I though about turning on the AC. But, instead, I have stripped down to my shorts and am just lounging about. Hope no one comes to the door.

 It is said that before you die your life flashes before you and you see all the good and bad and nondescript elements that brought you to that point.

Well, I fully do not intend on leaving this planet any time soon but did wake up this morning with my head filled with memories (mental images and thoughts) about my childhood. It is amazing how much we remember of our early years yet shove those thoughts and memories to the back of the bus and ignore them. Even though they tend to flavor our daily existence in many ways.

I may have mentioned it before but the earliest memory that I have was when I was just over three years old. My mother, sister and I were taking the train from Abilene, TX to Santa Cruz, Calif. where my mothers parents lived. My parents had just divorced and we were going there so that my mother could get a new start.

At one point the train stopped for some reason late at night or early morning and my mother got off to go get something for us to eat. As she was coming back to the train (and I have a visual memory of this) the train started to move...leaving the station.

My mother dropped the things she had bought and began to run toward the train. My sister (who was 18 months older) and I began to scream and cry. Another passenger, seeing what was about to happen, reached up and pulled the emergency cord that all trains had back then and the train jolted to a stop. Mother managed to get back on and our terror ended. And, the person that pulled the emergency cord actually bought us some food from the dining car later.

I could go on and on about memories that I have from that age up to about the age of 13. Then there is a gap from 13 to 17 at which point my memories come back and you have all read of some of those before here in this little piece of the blog universe.

Why we have these moments of recollection I do not know. But they do happen now and then, some memory just says it is not content with sitting on the back of the bus anymore and lurches forward into our brain and, often, leaves us breathless filling us with a sort of happy/saddness for the remainder of that day.

But today is going to be a nicer day for me. The weather, while chilly, is not bad since there is next to no wind. I do have to go to the market about two blocks from here and get a few things. I fixed breakfast in my little apartment this morning and used the last of my eggs plus I need a few other things.

And, maybe most important, I need to clean this place before the cleaning lady gets here today. And then there is the always present basket of laundry that needs doing...but that can wait until tomorrow.

Plus, I renewed my subscription to AMC+ and am streaming Mayfair Witches which turns out to be actually pretty good even though it messes with Rice's books in ways I do not agree with. I have two more episodes to watch and I will be done with that. As for reading Proust. Well, it is going slow as it has always gone when I have tried to read it before. But I am determined to make it all the way through this time and it will help me fill up some Spring days.

Now, just one last thing. And this is only meant with the least little bit of seriousness. But I will really be happy when Climate Change melts both the northern and southern ice caps and flood the planet. Primarily because all the models I have seen show that Florida will cease to exist. Did you guys know that Miami is only about 6 inches above sea level? So, it will not take all that much to get rid of them. And, going to the Gulf Coast will only be a couple of hours away from where I live now. Lots of nice day trips to the beach.

 Today is the Hindu Festival of Holi. Among all the things that are celebrated within Holi is the triamph of Good over Evil. If ever we needed Holi in America, and around the world, it is now. So I wish you all a HAPPY HOLI. Have a wonderful day.

 Much better today. Not better enough to be out and about. But, better that I can begin to breath again without choke-coughing and sneezing a big sneeze inside an even bigger sneeze. If this continues I may actually become normal sometime soon. Just imagine that. Me....normal (ha ha ha).

Not ready to deal with the dining room so this morning I am going to fix myself chaffels. If you have never had them they are easy and delicious. One egg whisked. One half cup shredded cheese (what ever kind you like). Mix together and put in waffel iron until done. I put some salsa on them and make a pig of myself. Low carb, keto friendly, easy cleanup afterword. It is a win win in any book.

Yesterday I just sat in silence and read all day. I have not done that in a while and I really enjoyed it. I have identified a "tell" that I did not know that I had though. While reading in silence I can get a bit sleepy. The "tell" is that my eyes just start to go out of focus like they are going to take a nap with or without me. So, put the book aside and doze for an hour or so. Very refreshing.

Going Gently posted a short posting yesterday that really touched home with me. The need/desire that we all have on occassion to just be held, touched, someway in contact with a kindred spirit. It really struck home that I feel that more than I would like. Just to have a lap to lay my head on while watching a movie or someone to walk up behind and give me a hug. All the trappings of being alone and having really nothing to do with loneliness. They are to totally unrelated things. I suppose you can be lonely and alone at the same time but, for me, it is usually just the aloness. I am almost never lonely. How could I be with my Timmy Turner the Terrible Terrier?

These days, with the growth of social media, the virtual hug is about all many of us have to look forward to. I find that really sort of sad.

And so, on that happy note, send me your virtual hugs and note that they are being returned with warmth and sincerity.

 So, here we go with day 4 of the worst sinus infection I think I have ever had. Cousins drove in to town from their home in Breckenridge and took me to Urgent Care. Got confirmation that it is allergies and sinus and not viral so no antibiotics or anything unless it gets worse. They did put me on OTC antihistimine, allergy sprays, allergy pill and saline nasal spray. So now, instead of just the constant drip from the nose I get to spray liquid up my nose in the oposite direction from the drip.

I do look forward to feeling better and being able to go sit out in the sun. But for now I have chosed to stay away from everyone. If this does have some viral link I do not want to risk exposing one of the elderly resident here. So, I take Timmy out a few times a day when I am pretty sure the halls will be empty. I ware my mask and Timmy wanders about marking everything within his nose reach. I do believe that male dogs have more than one bladder. They have the primary bladder that handles the normal need to pee and they have at least on backup bladder which is used to mark and spray things.

I fixed spinach and bacon fritata for breakfast. It was tasty and, yes, I do know how to cook. But now I have dishes that need to be done and I don't feel in the mood. Guess I will have to replay the Robert tape that says man up Jon and get it done.

But before all that it is time for my first nap of the day and it is not even 7 a.m. yet. Later all.

 Well my allergies have decided to morph into a nasty head cold. Coughing, watery eyes and nose, headach but, so far, no fever. I am the tiniest bit better this a.m. but have decided to just stay in a self quarantine until at least Monday. Rest, relax and read are the chores for today.

Now, I watched Everything Everywhere All The Time for the third time and I still have to pause it now and then to try to let my brain catch up. Espceially in the first part. It really is an amazing movie and Curtis' performance is outstanding. Now though, my new favorite part of the film is the end title where Everything Everywhere All The Time stretches vertically to fill the entire screen and there are Asian characters in the background. They translate to "go pee". So, the film is over, now, go pee.

Update on Carnival Row. There are, I believe, two more episodes and then it will be all over. If you have been watching it and have not seen episode 5 yet. Hang on to your seat. It totally blew me away. And that is about as close as I am going to get to spoilers. You will see what I mean when you watch and if you have not watched it. Well, you really need to.

I did, this morning, shave off my beard and moustache. All the nose blowing and wiping was just rubbing me raw. Don't know if it will be grown back or not but I do know that I will probably only shave a couple of time a week. I have no need to be clean shaven and debonaire. I have no one to impress and probably would not try if I did. So, this is what there is and like it or not, it is me.

And, in closing, my obsession with romantic comedies. It has become apparant to me that most of the characters in these shows are just a bunch of bigamist and tramps. I have seen the same woman marry one king and three princess and no one seems to be at all bothered by her behavior. And the men, while they tend to be really good looking, they are really messed up inside if they think the women are being loyal. They all, men and women, have multiple mates in other towns...all of which look like just another street around the corner all in the same all to beautiful New England village. Now, will this knowledge stop my obsession. Probably not. I usually fantasize that I am the trampy woman hooking the hunky messed up bachelor who just broke up with the love of his life and is totally on the rebound.

So, there you have it. What a way to start a weekend. Have a great one and stay healthy.

 Woke up this morning with the beginnings of a nasty sinus infection. Pretty sure it is allergy driven. They mowed the grass here yesterday and when I took the dogs out I started sneezing and my nose burned a bit. But, to be on the safe side I will skip taking Tyger out for Mrs. Belcher and just have my meals in my apratment and not in the dining room. Hope this only last a day or so and just goes away without leaving any damage.

I did go to Chaterbate online and pretty much just ran screaming out of the site. First I just can not figure out how it works, I am guessing that you are sharing your interactions with a number of people...sort of like group sex which never really interested me. Then there is the cost which is not part of my budget. And, last, there are just too many men...how does anyone ever choose? I will just stick to my occassional porn site online I think.

Today it is supposed to be in the low 70's but the arthritis irritation is on the very high side due to changes in the barometric pressure.

So, what am I going to do today? Well, I started reading (finally) Proust the other day so I will continue that at a comfortable pace. Nothing on all the hundreds of TV channels I have that I want to watch so will skip that. May do just a little bit of house work being careful to not irritate my sinus situation.

As for all those empty moments in between. Well, I may just spend some time thinking about each of you. What you may be up to, how you may be dealing with the weather, warm or cold, in your areas. So, stay your beautiful selves.