Well I am still trying to figure out what to do and have developed an option that might work. I will just stay put here on our farm and hope for the best.

I am not looking for pity so please don't read this in that light. It is just how things are, the cards that have been dealt to me over the past couple of years. And, I am trying to find the best way to play my hand that harms no person or animal and offers me the highest level of comfort and peace of mind. If any of you are in similar circumstances I hope that you can find some comfort or help in what I write here.

I know that eventually I will have to deal with transportation issues. I may become unable to drive myself any longer (I am 74 years old, have several health issues, problems with balance, and now a nasty tremor that us old folks are prone to) or there may be mechanical issues with the car that have to be dealt with. That is one of my great fears. All my friends, my doctors, my church, my AA meetings are at least 50 miles away. It is 13 miles to the only grocery store here. And transportation is essential. But, I deal with those fears one day at a time and so far so good.

First issue as I see it is that I find all the ways that I can save money without putting myself or my pets at risk. Over time I shoud have the amount it will take to move when that time comes.

In the meantime I do the best I can to survive here. With our summers and winters being what they are that can present a challenge. But it is doable. Several years ago the HVAC went out and the lowest estimate to replace it was 15,000 dollars. Robert and I had the option of going in to debt to do so or the other option was window AC units and space heaters. We chose the window units and space heaters. 

Much to our surprise the window units (one in the living room and one in each bedroom) worked fine and in fact our summer electric bill dropped by almost 200 dollars a month. This year, being here alone, I only used the ones in the living room and my bedroom and with the extreme heat we had my electric bills ran near 400 dollars a month. But the dogs and I survived. It was not as cool as our old central AC but that had been costing us close to 600 dollars a month in the summers as it was.

As for the space heaters. They work fine (I got the ceramic ones) and I still have to figure out how to shut off parts of the house that are not used but we were able to stay comfortable (except for very cold fingers in the mornings) even in the two past extreme winters we have had (prolong periods of from 20 degrees to below zero). The cost for that comfort was about the same as for the AC in the summer heat.

The only times that either the window units or the space heaters were an issue is when the power goes off which happened several times both during the winter and the summer but that would be an issue even if the HVAC had never failed.

So, I can stay put and possibly manage to gather together a little savings for future moves. Those moves will happen only after both Duke and Sara (who are both officially elderly dogs) have crossed the bridge and only Timmy and I are left.

The circumstances with the house are that it is in Roberts name and the mortgage company will NOT make any changes to the deed until it is paid off which is still some 62,000 dollars down the road. In all likely hood I will die myself before that happens. When we bought the house it was the "good old days" where our marriage was not recognized and joint tenency financing was not an option in a VA loan. Believe it or not we had an appointment with an attorney to make all the changes needed to protect both of us set for 9 a.m. on March 15, 2021. And, as fate would have it, Robert died at 4:45 p.m. on March 14, 2021.

I now live here under Texas Family Code as the suriving spouse since we got legally married in 2016 and can actually continue to do so until I either move myself or they drag me out a drooling old man to a nursing home or the State changes the laws.

Please take my advice. If you are a couple, same sex or not, and share resources like a home or cars. Make sure you have all the legal paperwork stuff done. Wills, deeds, insurance, car titles, joint accounts, all that and more...make sure it is done, all the i's dotted and t's crossed and reviewed by an attorney, filed and registered as necessary. Keep the originals in a safe deposit box at your bank, keep copies (at least two) at home, give a copy to a friend or family member that you know will be there at time of need to protect your interest (the ultimate act of love) and always make sure you review and update them at least yearly.

If, God forbid, you are ever at that point where grief is a dark pit from which you feel you will never be able to excape you will be glad you did.

So, there you have it. My plans for the future such as they are. It is not the future that we dreamed of, it is not the retirement I had planned many years ago. But it is what I have and I am much better off that some. And, I promise you this will, at least for now, be that last of these missives that border on the pitty pot. Future postings will, I hope, be much happier and may even share some positive successes.