I just watched an Italian film, dubbed in English, on Netflix called Nuovo Olimpo. It had me in tears from the start and near sobbing at the end. Do I recommend it? Without hesitation. Five Stars!!!

 My health has been in complete disarray with the plague of my old illness' and a few new and possible really bad ones. My adrenal glands are being investigated as well as my kidneys both of which seem to be acting up and not doing the right thing. My pancreas continues to plague me and make me pretty miserable all the time and all they will tell me is that will be the way of my life from now on. My legs, especially the right one which was the one that was temporally paralyzed apparently by my adrenal glands and something called Primary Aldosteronism, seem to be getting weaker and not wanting to hold me in an upright standing position. But I can still walk which is a good thing. Heart with persistent high blood pressure, blood glucose is like a roller coaster and even the new Insulin does not seem to help, though I am sure it is and I just have so much going on that I do not realize it.

And now something that I had when I was 23 years old, four years before I met My Robert, was treated for and declared cured, has come back with a vengeance and I have new doctors that are trying to treat me and cure me one more time.

Yet, I still am able to say that life is good, even with all the aches and pains that seem to be my lot as I age. It seems that every time I think my life is moving toward that point where I can get a little place of my own my body just slams me to the ground and says NO!!!

 

 Seems like every time I promise to post more often something happens and my live does it sort of topsy turvy thing and the postings just drift away. Such is the case this time. After more than a week in hospital followed by a period in rehab learning to walk again i end up home again only to be stopped in my tracks by another Pancreatitis Flare Up. So I have been traveling that god awful path to recovery, if recovery is even possible. I am beginning to feel a little better, able to keep food down and trying to rehydrate my shriveled carcass. 

I am not going to say I will post more and more often. Rather I am just going to say I will post there there is empty time and my body is not busy trying to kill me.

But know that I have you all in my mind and, in fact, read your blogs religiously every day.

 Three years ago My Robert left life on this Earth. I loved him then, I love him now and I will love him for the rest of eternity. There is little that I can say that I have not already said about this. Just that he was the very core of my being and every day with him lives as memory within my heart. I miss you Robert more than I can say. I knew I love you then but never realized how much I loved you until you were gone.

 Good news! I do get to go home tomorrow. I have a home health agency all set up to come to my apartment and do PT with me 3 times a week. I will be in my own space with my belongings and all the things I love, not the least of which will be my Timmy who will probably be so excited to see me that he will wiggle and pee all over the place and that is alright. I can always clean up after him and will willingly do so.

Who knows, I may even relax into my life enough that I will write blog entries that are not about my health and are about more important issues like the price of tea in China or where actually is True North.

 The plan of care for me seems to be to cause as much pain and exhaustion as possiblep and the are doing just that. However the end result seems to be better balance and the ability to walk. They took away my wheelchair with the explanation that it was spoiling me and making me less willing to go through what I need to go through to walk safely again.

I doubt that I will be able to go home tomorrow like I hoped but maybe Monday. We shall see.

 Well a day or so after the last post I woke up without the use of my right leg. It was still there, I could still feel it but I could not move it and it would not help me stay upright. The problem was from the hip down and did not injur my torso and up. So I tried to use my arms to slide to the edge of the bed with the thought that if I could stand up all would be fine. Wrong! I fell to the floor and could not get back up and had to call for help who determined I needed another ambulance ride to the ER. A few hours later I am once again admitted for evaluation.

After too many test they determined that I probably had a mini stroke even though all their scans and test did not find anything. And, all the time the sensation began coming back to my leg but the memory of how to walk was still on vacation. 

So, I have landed in a rehab facitlity called Brightpoint at Lytle Lake. Not a bad place and has great staff. I checked in on the Weekend so don't have a plan of care until tomorrow ( Monday ) so no idea how long I will be here. But at least healing is beginning and the staff and Doctors and other professionals actually are listening to what I am saying and go beyond treating symptoms and treating what was causing the symptoms. I hope my stay here will be a short one. And, of course I will keep you all updated even though you might be thinking what can happen next. Guess what, so am I.

 Well just an update on my health. I have a new diagnosis. I have Hyperaldosteronism . Another one for you to Google because to explain it would take too much typing. I might have something to do with all the gut pain I have been having and the low back pain as well as the constant high blood pressure though.

 Well, my life has, over the years, taken some unexpected turns. Such was the case today when after much deliberation, I deleted Chaturbate from my computer. So, no more fantasy, sexy, Latin men, no more unfilled or unfulfilling dream loves. I found that, the last few times I visited I left bored. That and how many of their new models seem to be children (at least in appearance).

Now I have to depend on my real life friends, and my fantasies to get me through. Probably more of the latter.

Of more interest is that next week, Tuesday and Wednesday, they have predicted highs in the 80's so there should be ample of the citizenry without their shirts on which should be nice. Of course that will be followed by some chilly weather since we do not really start Spring until the last March frost and the mesquite begin to bud out in late March.

I have been pretty much just ignoring the news since it never really changes or drifts away from coverage of the rapidly spoiling overripe orange thing. I did see the news this morning about Navalny and am saddened by that.

I have been watching a Turkish television show on Netflix called The Gift. There is an interesting premise in it that memories are stored in boxed within us that extend back to the beginning of time and forward into the destiny of life itself. I do find that interesting and sort of satisfying.

That and eating and sleeping and going for the occasional walk fill my days this time of year. Hope you are all enjoying life.

 Well my super handsome and smart South American gentleman and I reconnected last night in a most special way. I have missed him. He gives me affection that is not demanding of me which is really nice. This is the sort of relationship I need right now. Not demanding, full understanding on both sides that I will never be more than it is and we both feel we can be honest with each other.

My prostate seems to have healed completely. I am still at that stage where I am learning to know when I need to pee and when I need to pee RIGHT NOW. But I am also sleeping through the night without having to get up time and again. I do still have issues with getting a full erection but have the green light from my Cardiologist to take the "little blue pill" so if my Urologist agrees on the 28th of this month I will have that at my disposal. I do not have anyone in my life to share the experience with at this time and probably will not for the foreseeable future so it will just be for my own enjoyment. It has been so long that I may just sit and look at it having forgotten what I am supposed to do with it...just kidding, I have faith that it is like riding a bike. Once learned, never forgotten.

Yes, here I am, a lonely old man again. Feels familiar and comfortable though. I have my Timmy to be my constant companion, I have my friends here, Hal and Sandy, the couple that have sort of adopted me here and assorted online friends who are there to chat whenever I make the effort. And, I have a new friend named Roy who works at the funeral home across the street from where My Robert is buried. We met when I was there last, I was waiting for the cab to come pick me up and he walked across to see if I was alright or needed anything. We have chatted a bit online and talked about My Robert and his Ken who is 25 years older than he is. They have been together for 42 years. He is a real died in the wool Gerontophile and has indicated an interest in me. If that time comes it will, but right now it is just a friendship. He has offered to take me to My Roberts grave to place flowers next month on the 3rd anniversary of My Roberts death.

Can you believe it is almost 3 years? It seem, a lot of the time, like it was yesterday. I still mourn and grieve for him everyday and will for the rest of time. Loosing your spouse is unlike loosing anyone or any relationship you may have. I stops your entire universe and changes everything.

Enough of that though. Let me just wish you all a beautiful Monday and a wonderful life. Much love to you all. Hugs and kisses and all that stuff that we can only do virtually.

 Well here I sit at a quarter until 3 a.m. and thought I would just post a little to bring us all up to date. It is 20 some days until I have my follow-up with my Urologist. I am sure he has some things to check and he is welcome to do that but I have a major question to pose to him. Seems that no matter the age or how much a hunk the man is (I have been doing test runs on Chaturbate) all I seem to get is a bit of stirring in my nether regions and no actual reaction. So I am going to ask about "the little blue pill". I have an appointment with my Cardiologist this week and will ask him if I can even safely take the pill and what to expect if I do. And it probably should not matter anyway but it does. If I am now a single man in his mid 70's (which is sort of the prime of old age) I would like to have the benefit of a few more experiences with Mr. Wiggly at his most.

Oh, and this morning I read the King Charles (the same age as me) recently had a procedure for BPH not dissimilar to my own and now has been diagnosed with cancer that was discovered as a result of the procedure. They are not saying it was Prostate cancer and it does no matter. Cancer in any form is a bad thing and I wish him well. My friend here had Prostate Cancer and ended up with everything removed which has left him permanently bagged and diapered. He does have a great attitude about it though which is something I would hope for if it ever happened to me.

I do continue the ability to pee like a horse which is still fun. No more leakage so Depends are in the closet just in case but I am  back to boxer shorts which includes the pleasure of loose and floppy that I prefer. Hope I am not at that stage of too much information, at least I have not posted any pictures so you will have to just use your imagination

I am, after all, a 75 year old man that gravity has been playing with for several years now. At one point I was just over 6 feet tall and am now only 5'10" so compression is at play. And other things seem to be hanging lower than they once did as gravity plays with my body.

On the positive side, at least for me, I am down to 178 pounds. My target is 175 and then I will begin the process of making my body fit my weight with exercise.

I may be old but I will not give way to wrinkles and sags. As much as possible I will pull it all together and be one of those debonair older gentlemen. At least that is my goal.